Blogging Is Like A New Relationship.......

... In the beginning you want to do it every day, then after 6 months or so you only feel the need to do it once a week.






I am the lamest.
See y'all tomorrow.

The Top 10 Hottest Canadian Women..... (according to Connielingus) THE FINALE!

Er, hello....
Finally. # 1 and #2 - so close, it could've gone either way.

Nevertheless, it is well worth the wait.... don't burn yer lips.

#2 SOOK YIN LEE



Everyones favorite Vancouver, BC Born Bisexual Ex-MuchMusic VJ comes in a strong second place.
As a young and impressionable alternative music loving teenage riot grrrl in the mid 90's, Sook Yin Lee was a bright light at the end of my dark baggy clothes wearing, kool-aid hair dying, Doc Marten stomping mess of a life.

Beautiful and cool. Smart and witty. The woman who introduced me to the Smashing Pumpkins one afternoon on "The Wedge".

There was no denying I had a big screwed-up sexual-identity crush on her.
- I suppose I still do....



Out of pure love and devotion I religiously listen to her discerning pop-culture radio show Definitely Not The Opera every Saturday afternoon on the CBC.




***** #1 FEIST *****



My. god. alive.
The most beautiful woman. The most beautiful voice. The coolest life story. Ever.
Uuuuuuuhhhhh
drool drool

I stole this little Bio from Always On The Run......
A perfect summation.



She was born Leslie Feist in Calgary in the mid-'70s but goes by her surname when it comes to making music for a living.
The Jhay-inspired songstress got her start playing in a high-school punk band called Placebo (not to be confused with the U.K. modern rock act of the same name). After winning a battle of the bands contest, Placebo played their first gig opening for the Ramones, and for the next five years, Feist perfected her rock ways. Touring cross-Canada in the end took its tool on Feist. She had strained her voice so much, she was told she'd never sing again.
To regain focus and medical assistance from another specialist, Feist fled her hometown to settle in Toronto in 1998. She spent six months holed up by herself in a basement with a four-track recorder. She bought a guitar as a means of temporarily replacing her voice and began crafting a natural pop sound. A year later, Feist was playing guitar for By Divine Right. She went on to play in front of countless stadium crowds as By Divine Right opened for the Tragically Hip across North America. Somewhere in between touring with some of Canada's biggest acts, Feist found time to record and self-released her first solo album, 1999's Monarch (Lay Down Your Jeweled Head).
After playing some smaller local gigs in and around Toronto, Feist moved in with electroclash rap vixen Peaches in 2000. Peaches christened Feist Bitch Lap-Lap and from there, Feist sang on and toured in support of Peaches' debut album, Teaches of Peaches.



Not one to stay too long in once place, Feist joined Broken Social Scene in the recording of their sophomore effort, You Forgot It in People. The album, which was released in 2002, became a critical success among the indie crowds after winning a Juno Award for "Alternative Album of the Year in 2003.



........Whilst you peruse the official FEIST website I must now go off and swap my slippery knickers.
Cheers.

The Apprentice....... Part 3

My days of "mistress to an apprentice boy" were tragically cut short this week.
- My somewhat lovable towering galoot apprentice was fired. -

Turned out the poor guy was deathly afraid of ladders, and seeing as at the very least I spend half the week perched atop a 12 footer, Magnus darling was fucking doomed.



He did proceed to get caught talking instead of working by the Director of Maintenance and had a most unfortunate incident removing rivets with a wobbly drill that he had dropped earlier. Frustrations galore.....



Management was eager to send a clear message to the rest of the yobo's and it was good ol' Magnus who took one for the team.

Sticking out like a sore thumb is a bitch sometimes.


It turned out to be an interesting little test of my Journeyman conduct as well......

definitely not pleasant or comfortable.

- It was as much a trial by fire for me as it was for any apprentice.
I was invited for no less than 3 major "performance appraisals" by my own superiors who were judging my tenacity and assessment abilities as much as they were grading Magnus' young career.

At times the Trades world can come across so unnecessarily militaristic.

What it came down to was my performance in judgment over Magnus and his sloppy work habits.
Was I up to my top level position????

My gut instinct was to beg for some leniency and understanding, but it felt like my mission was, and is, only to point out any flaws and prove that it wasn't my misguiding that caused his obvious failure.
It was as much a test to my position of "power" as it was a test of the apprentice skill.
I was put on the spot, to put it simply.



I am sorry to see you go Magnus.
But it's better now than later.

Good luck kid.......

Fiddlin'!

I've finally come to the conclusion that vibrators are a hazard to the health.



Now, don't get me wrong....


A little "whackie whackie" with the wee battery-powered wonder can quickly rekindle that lovin' feeling to many from time to time....

BUT statistics from my recent survey reveal that too many loverly ladies rely solely on the so-called buzzie buzz of the vibrator rather than the respectable feministly power of the rapidly wiggling finger.....

Yes, it's true that female sexual self-satisfaction is rarely spoken about in the media, but who cares?!
masturbation is the key to tackling depression!
Fiddle yourself to oblivion for World Peace!

Just stay away from the pesky vibrator......
Vibrators, aka "personal massagers" are bad news.

They cost money to purchase, they cost even more to operate!

Weak Double A's are the death to a good orgasm some days!
- with that constant blaaahzzzing buzz don't you feel as if you are losing "touch" ?

Hah! - then just before you get that numb overwhelm - the bastard gears down and it just feels as if you left your mobile phone in your super deep pocket and stupidest fucking people are phoning over and over....

No big "O"

You get too concerned with switching knobs and even replacing the "bats" from your T.V. Remote just to get off....

Sad really.

Whack it with you index dahlings!.....
Point it with yer pointy!

give it the ole' scout salute if you're not sure!

Manual is Manuless!!!!
No Battery or Electrical power!

A Numb Vagina is a Dumb Vagina indeed!

Just think about the most wonderful (and indescribably dirty) sex-act you can imagine and just give'er.

The Top 10 Hottest Canadian Women..... (according to Connielingus)

Alright.... I will (and I promise) to fufill you with the top 4 hot canuck ladies in the next 2 days!!!!

#4 NELLY FURTADO



"You're beautiful, that's for sure
You'll never ever fade
You're lovely but it's not for sure
That I won't ever change
And though my love is rare
Though my love is true"

uuuuuuhhhhhh... How beautiful and talented can one Victoria, B.C. born Canadian/Portuguese woman be?????
Damn.



Here's a quick story....

A while back I randomly met this chick, at a random social gathering, who actually went to school with THE Nelly Furtado in Victoria....
Turns out, like most of us, Ol' Nellster was just a freaky "art/music nerd" in highschool. Definitely not the most gorgeous or popular in school at 17......

Huh. Funny how things turn out.

I'm Like a bird too Nelly.....

# 3.0 and # 3.1 TEGAN AND SARA (OR SARA AND TEGAN)




Oh the Joys of the rocking Calgary, Alberta born sisters!

I have had a self-satifyingly stable relationship with Tegan and Sara for nearly 5 years now.

6 concerts and counting.

I am being the typical asshole who bunches these two absolute undeniable unattainable hot specimens of lesbian twins of all of Canadiana together unfairly.

What could I do..... The score was so close....

I did not have a choice in the end.

In the "body" category they = HOT!
In the "face" category they = HOT!
In the "talent" category they both are definitely = HOT!

... As for personality, well, they are very different and difficult to decipher....



Sara is the more intricate and intensely independent twin who needs space and could possibly turn into a lovably high maintenance star.

I prefer her songs more.



Tegan is the "Loose Lips Sink Ships" kind....
This twin is peppy and confident and sweeps up all the ugliness of the world in her happy-go-lucky, pop-mistress "thing she does".

I love her "take charge attitude" but not her face piercing...




I suppose I'll leave the #3a and #3b choice up to the blog readers.....
- much to T & S 's dismay mind you.

(go with Sara)

The Top 10 Hottest Canadian Women..... (according to Connielingus)

Well, The List is getting down to the nitty-gritty here..... Today we get down to it with #6 and #5.

#6 CASSIE CAMPBELL



There really is nothing hotter than a female professional athlete.

Canadian Women Hockey players are the absolute tops.
You know that English movie with the very attractive Keira Knightly - "Bend it Like Beckham"? They should have a young girls playing hockey movie called "Wrist it Like Wayner"......


...But, I digress...... 32 year old Brampton, Ontario native Cassie Campbell, The Captain of the Olympic Gold Medal Canadian Hockey Team is a perfect combination of athleticism, beauty and intelligence (she even holds a university degree).



A role model and a sporty sex symbol all rolled into one.....
She can shoot the puck through my 5-hole anytime.



#5 SARAH HARMER




My enchantment for the Burlington, Ontario born Sarah Harmer began in the late 90's when she was the lead singer, songwriter and guitarist for the little known band Weeping Tile.
By chance I caught her performing on a "New Music" CBC program one night in 1997 at 3:00 am and was hooked. Genius lyrics coupled with a beautiful but edgy folk-rock vibe....

unfortunately the band went on hiatus in 2000, but Sarah continued on to a much more lucrative solo career releasing the highly acclaimed album "You Were Here" which included a few of my fave songs from the Weeping Tile years.



Sarah's sound has deviated over the last couple years to a sort of oldtime folky, bluegrass theme... not necessarily my cup o' tea, but it is her flawless voice that keeps me around.

- Plus, I'm in love with her face.

The Apprentice....... Part 2

Now that I see the apprentice boys in action, and how harshly we judge and grade them I can only look back at myself and try to relive just how I felt as an undisciplined, ignorant 20 year old. (an ignorant 20 year old girl at that......)

I wasn't much better. I definitely had my problems.

As a undeveloped tradeswoman, I was so overwhelmed by the man's man mechanic world.
- I didn't have any "trade" background!....
I concentrated on Fine Arts in High School. I liked to build things.
Obscure things, but it was building none the less.

I fucking well knew I was skilled enough. Girls can build aeroplanes too!

I went through a year of tech school training......
All of my other friends were in college, drinking and smoking and being young whilst I had to wake up at 5:30 am and drag myself to a huge cold room full of old aircraft with what seemed like a bunch of crabby middle-aged dinks who came across like they either wanted to hump me or see me fail miserably.

In those days, most nights I managed 5 hours of sleep with a slight hangover.

heh heh.
- What Technical school teaches you will never make you ready for "The Hangar Floor"

"The Hangar Floor" is a unstable place. You never know what will happen,
What problems you will face, and who will be watching your performance and judgments along the way.

The biggest stress point with aircraft maintenance is costs.

As technicians we are billed somewhere near $60 US per hour to a customer. Hardware costs are in the 10 of thousands....Sometimes a basic yearly Airline overhaul check can cost nearly a million.
The only cost control a Aircraft Maintenance Facility has to make profit is the "manhours". We are severely encouraged to make the best of every second we are in the facility.
We punch in for a shift. We punch in to every specific job we do. We bill out every square inch and every gram of material we use. We have estimated hours for each maintenance practice........ You dare not go over.

These are things you only appreciate after years in the "service"
You have to buy into the system. It's a group effort.

If you choose to be a fuck up and call in sick every couple of weeks and not "walk with a purpose" when you actually are at work you are let go without honour.
- The ones who work hard and fast are awarded with overtime hours and "out of town trips" which equal even more overtime hours.

Sometimes a 20 year old doesn't care to see this far.

I wonder what would have become of me if I hadn't made it.
What would I have turned to after being deemed no good for my chosen trade.......
I can't imagine what I would have ended up doing with myself.
Scary shit.....
So much of my recent history has been due to my job..... 9 years of my life.

My last 3 significant relationships are result of friends of friends of family I knew from work.
My comfort level, my house, new car and vacations are all results of working hard at my high skilled trade.
Everything that pertains to who I am today is because of my employment at the same company for so many years.

What would have happened to me if my "so called fate" hadn't meant to be?????
What would I have become?

At 20 who knows.

There are so many things out there to lure you away from a satisfying life.
Sticking with the "game plans" guarantees the pleasure.......

- Knowing this you want the best for your young guys coming in....

BUT knowing this you can only hope your young "only interested in partying" guys have the capability to already know and want this too.

The Top 10 Hottest Canadian Women..... (according to Connielingus)

Today we will dive head-first into the #8 and #7 place finishers of this countdown to the numero uno of Captivating Canadian Cuties.....



#8 KATHLEEN EDWARDS



Hailing from Ottawa, Ontario the 26 year old Kathleen Edwards captured my heart back in 2003 when I heard the first song from her highly acclaimed album "Failer".

Wise beyond her years and a fabulous alt-country singer-songwriter/guitarist and violinist, I've seen her in concert no less than 3 times....

My titillation was peaked this past summer as I actually had the chance to meet (and fawn over) this ginger-haired darling in person when she was the opening act for Willie Nelson.



She is so cool......

#7 LAUREN LEE SMITH



Lauren Lee Smith Best known for her role as "The Soup Chef" in the first season of "The L Word" this 25 year old Vancouver BC native is nothing but stunning.



An adorable on-screen presence coupled with a naughty love-scene with Erin Daniels scores big points with the judges at The Connielingus Top 10.....



MEEEOOOOOWWWW!
Here's hoping for a reunion-style Lara/Dana hookup in Season 3.....


***Stay Tuned for the #5 and #6 place finishers tomorrow!***

The Top 10 Hottest Canadian Women..... (according to Connielingus)

Alright!.... over the next few days I will unveil the ultimate in "Hottest Canadian Women" from my own personal views and preference.

Just to be clear.....the "hot" factor for me is a combo of looks, brains, and skills.... it is by no means your average shallow self-indulgent listing.

Nothing But Substance and Dykish Charm Here at Connielingus......

So Here Goes...... The Fabulous Number 10 Canadian Woman is.....


#10 - JULIE DOIRON

Julie Doiron used to be in one of my most fave bands "Eric's Trip" when I was an impressionable young lass of 17.
I was in love with her low-fi grunge-pop voice long before I ever saw her face.... and when I finally did it became quite clear that this girlish love affair was meant to be.

She still makes beautiful and strange music in New Brunswick to this very day.



# 9 - MIA KIRSHNER



Every good Lesbo knows that Mia Kirshner plays the utterly annoying sexual-identity searching "Jenny Schecter" in the hit T.V. Show "The L Word".

- Annoying or not this luscious Toronto native has appearered in several indie films and knows how to tongue-lash a girl on screen....
and not just any girl mind you.... she got right to the point with "Marina" played by the ever so Euro-trash epitome of gorgeous Karina Lombard.......



"uuuuuuhhhhhh Marinaaaaa"
- A believable and passionate straight woman-woman kiss is considered great acting in my mind.....



.......Plus you really can't deny her sex appeal either.


tomorrow...... #8 and #7!

Those Dastadly Calgary Flames.......

Here's a little Ass-Over-Tea-Kettle hockey action for your monday Morn.....



heh heh... nice one Dion Phaneuf.

The World Is a Vampire (a candid look at Fearmongering in 2005)

This Just In! WE ARE FUCKING DOOMED.

Hey, the way I see it, if Mother Nature doesn't wipe me out in the next year it will be those pesky Terror Cells!
Then again, maybe I'll be tucked safely into my Death-Bed by the dreaded "hsiswiudghtgtfw strain" of the Asian Bird Flu or that belated infestation of tainted Mozzies with the West Nile Virus that will finally suck my red wine infused high pressure blood.......

In the meantime the interest rates are going up along with the skyrocketing fuel prices so the only relief for the commuting nightmare is to run out and get yourself one of those highly overpriced (and extremely "unmanly") go-carts, The Smart Car.
Its a pleasure for the pocketbook AND a real help for the environment... That is until you are wiped out by some ridiculously rich Albertan Oil Maven in his Dually Diesel Duramax Chev..... Because unlike the Mountain Pine Beetle devastated British Columbia Forestry Industry, the sleazy, greazy oil-soaked Albertans seem to always be "in the black" with their precious "Black Gold".......

But here's where it gets kinda interesting.....

You see, It's only "black gold" until a few years down the road where it is actually proven without a doubt that it really, truly IS the world's insane amounts of Fossil Fuel Emissions responsible for causing the record-setting tirade of severe weather mood-swings that by 2010 have reduced the Caribbean and the southern coastal United States into a tree-less pile of mud that is slipping into the ocean.

- By this point, back here in Canada, the droughts in the West have caused a myriad of forest fires and crop destruction.... The naturally produced power has all been sold to California and B.C.'s famed and lucrative hydroponic Marijuana exports have all but seized to exist. The Farmers in Central Canada have all taken their lives quietly amongst the tumbleweeds that were once blowing fields of wheat and barley....
As the price of living spirals out of control, every Canadian with enough bus fare will attempt to join the Newfies in Fort McMurray for one last cash-in at the bitter end of the anti-climactic Canadian Dream.... A leisurely pipe dream of sucking the Earth dry of it's ever-dwindling supply of Natural Resource....
And it will be at that very moment - the only sound you will hear is the echoing PLOP of a salty tear from Ralph Klein's puffy eye as it cascades down his face into the worlds final glass of Canadian-produced Rye Whiskey.

The Apprentice....... part 1

Things at work have gotten quite interesting.......

I now have my own personal young apprentice boy by my side!...... He's 20 years old, 6 foot 5 inches and about 300 pounds. (I'll call him "Magnus" to protect the innocent and useless.)

Fucking kids these days are huge and mouthy and need a good kick in the arse.
and I believe I shall be the one to do it.

Now, not surprisingly, I've found it all somewhat empowering.
I have realized that after my harrowing 8.4 years of being one of the lowest on the proverbial "Tradesman Totempole" that now I am ready to have my own personal little whipping boy... and that it makes me quite happy... almost giddy to be honest.

Heh Heh
Seems I have a lot of female post-apprentice issues to work out on poor ol' Magnus......

Right away I have commanded him to say "Thank-you Mistress" after every instance that I bail him out of a near fuck-up, give him a helpful hint or tell him he's doing alright.
Being the gormless eager-beaver that he is, finds this quite exciting....

.....I am finding bossing young punks around quite invigorating!

Stay tuned for more stories from "THE APPRENTICE"