Fiddlin'!
I've finally come to the conclusion that vibrators are a hazard to the health.
Now, don't get me wrong....
A little "whackie whackie" with the wee battery-powered wonder can quickly rekindle that lovin' feeling to many from time to time....
BUT statistics from my recent survey reveal that too many loverly ladies rely solely on the so-called buzzie buzz of the vibrator rather than the respectable feministly power of the rapidly wiggling finger.....
Yes, it's true that female sexual self-satisfaction is rarely spoken about in the media, but who cares?!
masturbation is the key to tackling depression!
Fiddle yourself to oblivion for World Peace!
Just stay away from the pesky vibrator......
Vibrators, aka "personal massagers" are bad news.
They cost money to purchase, they cost even more to operate!
Weak Double A's are the death to a good orgasm some days!
- with that constant blaaahzzzing buzz don't you feel as if you are losing "touch" ?
Hah! - then just before you get that numb overwhelm - the bastard gears down and it just feels as if you left your mobile phone in your super deep pocket and stupidest fucking people are phoning over and over....
No big "O"
You get too concerned with switching knobs and even replacing the "bats" from your T.V. Remote just to get off....
Sad really.
Whack it with you index dahlings!.....
Point it with yer pointy!
give it the ole' scout salute if you're not sure!
Manual is Manuless!!!!
No Battery or Electrical power!
A Numb Vagina is a Dumb Vagina indeed!
Just think about the most wonderful (and indescribably dirty) sex-act you can imagine and just give'er.
posted by Connie @ 12:51 AM
9 Comments:
Top notch post Con, absolutely brilliant. I don't know what else to add, other than I'm sure everybody has experienced the pleasures and the problems of vibro love - especially the "Oh fuck, the batteries are going!" bit, which isn't quite as disasterous as the "Oh fuck, it's died" scenario.
I suppose they're quick and easy and very intense, but there's something divinely wonderful about knowing you can do it for yourself wherever you are without one.
OH! I'm hpoing to get a Christmas/New Year surprise for you. No, not the latest in vibrating latex from Ann Summers.
Also, much more eco-friendly.
Ah masturbation! One of my favorite subjects and my favorite activities (for over 50 years!). I think even for us guys the old fashioned five fingered method works best. I once had an inflatable woman ($69.95 plus shipping and handling, batteries not included) but it was like fucking a balloon! A bit hard to explain when your girlfriend finds it too (it happened!). I put it in a box for Goodwill and would have loved to see the face on whoever unpacked it. I don't imagine they get too many "Linda Lovelace Love Dolls with Vibrating Pussies", do you? Keep on jackin' and keep on 'jillin y'all!
Farking great post, eh!
Funny timing too, last night I was in a bookstore and spotted "Good Girls' Guide to Bad Girl Sex", which included a chapter on masturbation and sex toys.
I got just about all of your post except "Manual is Manuless!!!!" What? WHAT?
And... I kid you not, my WVW was: mmmmb
HAHAHA!!!
Ah Con (LOVE your blog, post more often pleeez?) - just can't agree with ya on this one tho. My first really really good Orgasm came *snicker* with my first vibrator (Hitachi rulez!). At well past middle age too. See, for some of us something happens when we come ... everything sorta stops. And I knew for the longest time that if I could just manage to keep my hand moving a little while longer that it would be SO much better, but I could.never.quite.keep.going. My mind and body both freeze simultaneously with the first spasm of orgasm, and in manual mode one is all I get. But with a vibrator? Well babe like the energizer bunny I just keep going, er, COMING and coming and coming. Till I get tired or too out of breath from gasping. Yay! Plus I can reach spots inside that are difficult to access in manual mode. PLUS the initial first spasm is FAR stronger with a vibe. Too much info? If so, sorry. As far as battery vibes go just choose one that uses AA's and get rechargeables - which usually come in 4's so you always have a backup pair - get NiMhs though, not NiCads. But for my money the Hitachi Magic Wand is the cadillac and I have tried a lot of battery powered ones that just do NOT measure up. Hitachi plugs into the wall, and if you have an access problem get an extension cord. SO worth the money, but of course the sensitive types may find it TOO powerful, lol! Anyhow, I like it best with the G-spotter attachment. Tried the Gee-Whiz attachment which looks good but does nothing for me - although if the vibrations are too strong it might be perfect for someone else - nice and soft, kinda dampens down the intensity. Just my two cents. A lot of variety in the world, and that's a GOOD thing. :)
Well said Conn! I keep getting shit from the girls for not owning one but I don't want to get stuck in the "it's the only way I get off" rut. Our bodies do become accustomed to things and I just can't imagine telling a guy "it's just because your tongue isn't battery operated honey."
Oh no.... I mentioned guys... am I going to be excommunicated from this blog? kidding.
Keep it manual ladies.
lol!
Glad to see I've got you guys talking! I've gone off the vibrator quite a few years back... They are all useless crap that breakdown within a week....
-plus I was getting a bit of a clitoral calous.
"jilling- off"... I always forget to use that perfect phrase.
Uh, Welcome Horny Old Man... i think...
LOL! look at you reading a womans sex manual Aas! love it!
One tiny finger on my perineum is all it takes for this girl. I could 'tiptoe' through the universe on a silk cloud all day long.
You blog makes me hot sweety. I'm just a puddle.
Hello daogen, glad you like it ;)
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