Text Me.

I have a real problem with the Telephone. I'll admit it.... I really hate talking on the phone.... Well, mostly I don't enjoy the actual "answering" it part.

This issue of mine is not news....

Lots of my friends and family absolutely abhor this wee little quirk about me.... I am tired of catching shit for my phonephobia and I have decide to investigate deep inside just to let it be out in the open as to why I will always "Just Let the Machine Get It".

- First of all, just to be clear, I am not home a lot of the day. I am gone for 10 hours every week day at the bare minimum, and the rest of my time at home is spent eating, bathing, cleaning, cooing in my girlfriends ear, sex and/or wacking off, followed by some brisk blogging and then hopefully at least 7 hours of sleep crammed in there somewhere.
I really truly don't have a lot of free time for any idle chit-chat.

This is my only REAL excuse........

The rest of my phone phobia is a murky mixture of subliminal fear of the unknown topic, a pulsating distaste of small talk, and a short phone-chattin' attention span.
Add that to the absolute anger induced feeling of being "hang-on'ed" whilst someone goes off to answer the other fucking line, or the utter disrespect of your phone-partner watching T.V. or multitasking as you are speaking, missing your whole blah, blah, blah.

For the most part I find talking on the horn is a an often un-wanted and frightening commitment...
You have to at the very least sound interested, as if two seconds earlier you weren't totally engrossed in the news program.... You are expected to add your opinions at the same time of attempting to cook dinner or argue with your loved one....

There just never seems to be a good time for me.....

You see, my lack of pressing the TALK button isn't that I don't care about you....

It's just that I don't care about you at that exact moment!

Which brings me to precisely why I cancelled my cell-phone. Ignoring the happy-go-lucky downloaded ringtone while I am picking up groceries, the damn thing vibrating in my pocket while browsing the adult video store....
Missing calls while I drive with the my music blasting and then later hearing the bitchy words on the voicemail saying over and over and over "Connie! Why the fuck do you have a cell phone if you never answer it!!!"

Errr... Just in case I break down on the highway?

To be honest, the reason I have come right out and admitting my problem is because a friend of mine recently told me she would text message me if I got my cell phone going again....
It scared me how enticing it was to me... Truly fascinated at the possibility.
....So private, so creative and so non-committal at the exact moment that message would come thru. Perfect.

See!
It's not that I'm a inefficient communicator folks.... I have a successful thought-provoking blog for fuck sake!

It's just that I choose to do my correspondence to your face or written in just such a way that I always sound witty and intelligent... Not the facade of a serious telecommunic-interchange as I quietly try to take a pee after I've folded my knickers with your lovely voice blah blah blahing in my ear long into the night.