Life is But a Dream.....
My apologies, I try to be a happy-go-lucky blogger, but I've been pushing this tragic news away all week......
An acquaintance of mine from work offed himself over the long weekend.
After all the fun and laughs I had over those same 3 days - laughs that were tonic to my soul - the contrast was that someone that I knew was out there at the edges of reason, and at the end of his rope.
It wasn't a secret that he had been depressed about his relationship, fucked up about the birth of his son. He chased it with alcohol like most of us do. He didn't cope so well. He missed some time at work to sort himself out, and he seemed alright when he returned.
Last summer at a party we stood holding each other up talking about how guilty he felt and he drunkenly asked me over and over.... "Do you hate me for how I've been...for what I've done???"
I told him "Life is short, you gotta do what you gotta do to be happy."
That phrase has been running over and over in my mind all week, and although he was a work buddy and an occasional party pal I was quite oblivious to just how bad it was. I haven't had a single concrete feeling about it since the moment I heard the news first thing on Tuesday morning...
I think he was a fool.... I'm sad he's gone from this world.... I worry about his two babies.... Up until now I pretended not to let it affect me at all.
His funeral is happening right now as I type this......I chickened out.
I suppose this is paying my respect.
S... I think you are a fucking coward, but I'm so sorry that your life got so overwhelming.
I guess you did what you had to do....to be happy.
I don't hate you.
posted by Connie @ 7:17 PM
7 Comments:
That spam comment was the most inappropriate thing for anyone to see just after reading this post. Fucking retard spammers!
:( <--- for your colleague
It's scary to be reminded that not everyone can tie a knot and hang on when s/he's reached the end of his/her rope. Sometimes people let go, lose hold, fall off. Things don't just always turn out fine on their own.
I hope the kids he left behind (and partner?) are doing okay and are provided for, at least.
Since I completely don't know him or his family, and I don't even really know you, I figure the best I can do is pray in your general direction and hope some good vibes make it through. I pray the family left behind has some sort of support. I pray you co-workers can sort out your feelings and come to peace with the loss.
On a humorous note, I pray us readers will figure out the connection between a propjet engine and suicide...
Suicide is always sad for the ones left behind. I don't say he's a coward necessarily, I've never understood that statement really, but I do think it is a foolish waste of what we are given. I myself once attempted suicide when I was a teenager. Stupid, yes. The point is, he must have saw no other way to escape a situation that was just no good for him. don't agonize yourself on details (what you could have done, or the fact that you had a good time) it was his life, his bed and he laid in it as long as he could.
you don't always have to have an opinion Con...you can just feel sad. No need to classify all those feelings..just feel them. For my part, I am sorry for all involved.
..............................
The advice I just gave is kinda bullshit because I would do exactly as your doing. I would pull out each feeling, one by one, and anylize it. But THIS, my freinds tell me, is MY PROBLEM. So I guess what I'm doing is giving you their advice, which, from this side of the fence, actually seems sound. Take care.
ok K, that sounds good....
Jeez, Connie, that's a rough one and I wouldn't know how to react in your shoes. Like you said, we all have to do what we feel is best and I reckon you were doing that with this post.
I don't believe that suicide is a cowardly act, just a desperate one.
Muppet.
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