connielingus

bunny ain't no kind of rider

2007-03-05T00:34:00.000-08:00

Big Island, Hawaii Late December 2006...........................................

uh. yeah, i've been away

MY SUMMER HOLS....

2006-08-26T03:26:00.000-07:00

Hi... This is what I did on my Bloggin' Holidays...

2006-08-26T02:24:00.000-07:00

The Cakesniffer Experience

2006-07-15T01:46:00.000-07:00

Tina is somewhere over the North Atlantic at this very Moment, probably with small children sniveling in her ear, in dire need for a wee and pining for home.

I'd like to think she had a nice "Meet Your Crazed Blogger Friends" holiday over here in Western Canada...

- I know I had a nice 3 days off work doing the tourist thing....

Alas... Jenn and I miss our Cakesniffer already...

....Even if we tried to maim her.
-------> by trying to push her off a chairlift at Silver Star Resort

-----> Feeding her copious amounts of Kraft Dinner

Trying to nudge her off a cliff in a lightning storm at Kalamalka Lake Park

(Ooooh they got Wet didn't they..... heh heh)

Then I nearly strangled her with my own bare hands after she tried to steal my bird at a Winery Tour - - That dirty, dirty bitch....

But really, in the end, she IS the most adorable Diet Pepsi guzzling Manc I've ever known ----> and very difficult to off (isn't that right April)

Cakesniffer is in the house......

2006-07-11T13:23:00.000-07:00

Yes! It actually is real-----> the Fabulous Tina "Cakesniffer" is en route to my home here in the glorious Okanagan.

It really is strange, this blogworld friendship turning real-life....

unfortunately for Jenn and I, Tina has taken up a love affair with the lovely (and music savvy) Trump
----> so our original plan of having an international tag team girlie wrastlin' match is out of the question... ;)

Never mind, it shall be a great 3 days... lots of Okanagany pleasures to be had...

Stay tuned for more from Tina's Great Canadian Adventure!!!!!

This Fucking Blog Thing.....

2006-04-28T19:50:00.000-07:00

Jesus Christ! I have completly let this Blog-fantastica go to compete SHITE!

To be perfectly honest, I am feeling repelled by the blog... It's like neglecting your friends... like screening your calls... like avoiding things that make you uncomfortable.
You leave for a bit and all your blog gang has new friends and you feel like an online diary outcast... and it was your own stupid fault.

I've just gotten caught up in a crazy relationshit stuff... getting my feet rubbed whilst watching TV after going for long walks on the beach and in bed by 9:00 pm.....

When I was a blog rockstar, living alone, and up til the break of dawn spewing my fantastic crap I had dozens of blog friends and my life was complete and special. I was someone who cared and my peeps loved the planes....

Imagine! I let this blog go fully to the back burner of my life for weeks now and I feel guilty and awkward trying to post something.

I'm an ass.
I just can't bring myself to burn my diary...

A Matter of Life and Death

2006-04-01T17:34:00.000-08:00

Well, I just returned from jolly ol' England on Wednesday after attending the end of life and funeral of my poor ol' Grandad.

He was 82.

- My Grandad was an RAF pilot in WW2.
- He flew Spitfires and Hurricanes in the Battle of Burma.
- He told the greatest stories about those years, even if they weren't fully true.
- He lived through TB and losing a lung that almost killed him during the war at age 21.
- My Grandma and Grandad moved to Canada in 1981 and lived here for 20 years before deciding to go back to live in Harvington, England in 2002.
- He taught me how to ride a bike, build a campfire, shoot a gun and various other useful things in life.
- He made me love aircraft and flying... so therefore made me who I am today.

I miss him and I had so much respect.

All in all, it was possibly the longest, strangest week and a half of my life.

-----> England is definitely for the English.....Hopefully it is the final moments of Tony Blair.... My Family puts the FUNK in Disfunctional.... It is amazing how much money a last minute trip to the other side of the world actually costs....I love Tesco Sandwiches, Old Peculiar, and Sainsbury Curries....

****And what the Fuck is so special about the Arctic Monkeys?....****

But despite all that, Cheers to you JFD... We can all only hope to have such a brilliant and full life.
You had a profound effect on me and I will remember you forever for that.

xoxoxox Connie

I had your last pint of Guinness for you Grandad. ;)

Olympic Hangover

2006-03-07T13:06:00.000-08:00

You know, I really love the Olympics and I really miss it now that it's over.

I get so into it when its on, I watched it every day and actually enjoying sports that you could give a flying fuck about any other year...

Like 2 man Luge.

Yeah... Dead Sexy.

Blogging about your Career....

2006-02-28T11:26:00.000-08:00

To be honest, one of the reasons I got somewhat "bored" of writing about Corrosion and airplane stuff, is that I got kinda paranoid.
There were a few comments made to me from co-workers such as "What would Management think of all the pictures you have?"

- Well of course I replied, "Bahh!, it's nothing! I've never mentioned the company name ... I've never said anything but how in love with Corrosion I am!.... What COULD they say?"

But it shook me.

There is the blogging urban legend warning of scores of people losing their jobs for the complicated web it weaves.... My job is all about trade secrets and keeping the sky safe for everyone.
----> Maybe showing Airplanes rotting out and me being me, showcasing pictures of my co-workers nipples could be perceived as irresponsible and unprofessional in some peoples eyes....

I was worried that the dude who questioned me was thinking of outing my happy little blog.....
I saw how great blogmistress' like Aviatrix made a rule of never mentioning any company names....

Paranoia will destroy ya.

But, you know what? - Fuck it!
----->I think I must have dropped the haters by now and only my faithful still remain.
You guys love me right? You would never tell....
I only wanted to share the joy of galvanic metal decomposition with the world.

Exfoliation is beautiful......

Airplanes and Corrosion It Is.......

2006-02-25T15:29:00.000-08:00

Well, what can I say....

I have some great "fans" of Connielingus who, in the last week, have sent me emails and left comments to say that they actually really liked my blog and it's Aircraft genre... - They hoped That I wouldn't quit.

Well, I honestly never thought Corrosion would be such a hit!

I mean, when I see a blow-out of epic proportions I secretly get a bit of a Girly hard-on, but to think there are others just like me out there in this strange and beautiful world....
I am sorry I was on the verge of giving up on you.

Well, I honestly haven't been around too much Corrosion lately.... I have been involved in a new project which involves installing winglets on 757's.

----> It's actually quite the process... The fwd and aft spars get cut at the tip, the top and bottom wing skins get removed 10 ft at the end of the wing followed by various stiffners and stringers that are installed inside the fuel cell/wing all the way back to the engine nacelle.
Finally after all the beef ups the Winglet is installed to the wingtip, making for a sexy, stylish fuel saving add-on.

Get This....
Because the Winglets smooth out the turbulent air movement at the end of the wings during flight, over time you can save up to 5% in fuel consumption... When you are talking thousands of pounds of fuel each flight - that's a shit load of money.

At approx. a million dollars for the install, rumour has it that Winglets pay for themselves in just 2 years....

----->Do you guys want to see a SWEET Video Clip?????

Click HERE to watch a Flyby by the "Land of Ice" Airlines 757 on it's test flight after our last install 2 weeks ago. Watch for the Sticky-up parts on the end of the wing!

I did that!

My New Blog......

2006-02-16T21:59:00.000-08:00

So I have a new blog.
I even have a new alter-ego.
It's yet another godforsaken mp3 music blog...
-But this one is good.- (I've already been doing it for a week now.)

You wanna see it?
Ok, Go HERE

Let me know what you think....

I'll probably be over at my new place for the most part from now on, but I haven't decided to end Connielingus just yet....
I'll still be around once a week or so for all you HARDCORE Connielingus fans out there.... lol.

Take care bloggie friends...
xoxoxoxox connie

the one year blogging blues.....

2006-02-09T19:59:00.000-08:00

So I have decided I am going a new direction with my blogging career

- And it will be soon

-------> a music/mp3 based blog
you know, "the review of the song, click the mp3 download link" type deal.

here's an example....

Laura Veirs is so cool!
You can listen to some vintage Laura Veirs by clicking the link!
Listen Now! Green Cowboy

Or,

Holy Shit! The White Stripes are Covering a Tegan and Sara Song!!!!
Listen to Walking With a Ghost

I will be so cool.

The Way We Live.......

2006-02-02T19:43:00.000-08:00

TalkingLaughingLovingBreathingFightingFuckingCrying
DrinkingWritingWinningLosingCheatingKissingThinkingDreaming....

Just so you know,
I HAVE been watching Season 3 of The Word and so far so good.
Carmen's ass at the end of ep 3 was quite delightful.....

Jenny is obviously on her meds.....
So all is good there.

A wee bit of a confusing time warp from the finale ep. of last year....
Somehow in the last 6 months Alice and Dana break up, Alice goes "Jenny Psycho", Dana may die, Helena turns into a pleasant, helpful friend of Alice (?) Bette still doesn't have a job, Tina is an indifferent cyber-sexing bitch and Carmen and Shane are happy-go-lucky lovers in a dangerous time.
Throw in a little FTM drama and we are in for some intense action.

Oh yeah, and,

------>Kit is probably gonna hump the "Manny" isn't she.....

uuuh.
At least there is no sign of "Betty" thus far.

And just for the record - Personally, I find Moira somewhat attractive.....

Aloha!

2006-01-29T21:46:00.000-08:00

Oh yes, just got back from a quick romp in Hawaii....

We had the most wonderful week away....
----->Fucking Crazy-busy in "Las Waikiki".... The only way to really relax is to rent a car and see the slower-paced and much more beautiful parts of the island by yourself away from the insanity.... Unless, of course, you like that sorta thing.

..............................................................................................

But of course the shitty ending to this last week in paradise was returning home to the land of Ice and Snow to find that void-of-personality-wanker helmet-haired WWJD homophobic Conservative knob Stephen Harper actually got voted in as Prime Minister of Canada.

People! WTF!

It's always one step forward and two steps back in this bloody country.

This shall be interesting.

This One Time.....

2006-01-14T01:06:00.000-08:00

One time when I was 4 years old we stayed in a hotel, and on the door of the bathroom had a mirror and THEN there was a huge mirror on the wall above the sink...
----> I will never, ever forget the experience that when you look at yourself standing in the middle of those 2 mirrors how your face repeats for infinity times smaller and smaller until you can't fathom the whole shenanigan and that, honest to god, was the first time in my short life at age 4 that my brain felt crazy and alive.
I've never looked at the world the same lame childish way again......

If you too want to feel that alive Click this link

Yeah.

The Top 17 Songs of 2005!

2005-12-28T15:45:00.000-08:00

Hello bloggie friends! - Hope you all had a happy Christmas holiday... I've finally recovered from my mild scotch-induced holiday cheer and got down to business trying to make this godforsaken "best of" list.

It has been one full week of the new year....

2005 was chock-full of decent music and I have honestly been fucking-about trying to decide since Christmas Eve.

It's been tough to narrow it down to 10 best songs so I've made it the best 17 as that's how many I could fit on a CD.

Yes, a Connielingus "Top Songs" CD will be available to the first 5 people who email me with your address to helloconnielingus AT gmail.com..... hurry! Limited time offer!

So anyways here is the highly-coveted listing....
Like I said, not only did I have a hard time narrowing it down to just 17 songs, I had a hard time picking the best song from each artist... Many of these precious little numbers come from fantastic full albums as well.

#1

"Your Ex-Lover is Dead" - Stars
Technically the Album "Set Yourself on Fire" was released in 2004 but took a choke hold on my soul in 2005. Excellent all- round album from the bustling Montreal scene, with "Your Ex-lover is dead" being the lead off track and one of the best. Hard to pick out just one. Lovely orchestral guy-girl sing-songs.
Jenn also loves it too....
Buy this Album. Simple as that.

#2

"Rebellion (Lies)" - The Arcade Fire

Can "Funeral" possibly live up to the most hypey hype since OK Computer???
- Uh yeah, I'm thinking so.... I like Rebellion but honestly this Album is best experienced as a whole unit from start to finish.
If you haven't heard this yet, where the hell have you been all year????

#3

"Chicago" - Sufjan Stevens

Once again, love the whole album "Come On Feel the Illinoise" but Chicago reminds me of late summer at the Lake.
Happiness surrounds.

#4

"Gideon" - My Morning Jacket

How proud I have become of MMJ over the last 4 years. Excellent band that have now added some funky keyboard action on the latest Album "Z". They only get better and better....

#5

"This Modern Love" - Bloc Party

Up for awards in the UK, not too well known overhere in Canada - excellent stuff nevertheless.... sorta along that "Killers, Franz Ferdinand type genre" but kinda with its own style.

#6

"We Are Nowhere and it is Now" - Bright Eyes

From the highly acclaimed album "I'm Wide Awake, It's Morning".... A voice only a mother could love or the next coming of a Neil Young/Bob Dylan hybrid?
Well, like so many before ol' Conner Oberst, talk-singing harmony with Emmylou Harris can effectively smooth over the rough edges.... It also helps being a brilliant songwriter too.

#7

"Over and Over Again (Lost and Found)" - Clap Your Hands and Say Yeah

I just recently heard this band.... I know nothing about them except I love the name and I absolutely am addicted to this song.

#8

"Love is a Deserter" - The Kills

I don't know what it is about The Kills... I only really like their music when I'm driving really fast on my way into work..... "get the guns out get the guns out..."
From the album "No Wow" - This stuff will get you in the mood to rivet aeroplanes all night long!

#9

"If I Am a Stranger" - Ryan Adams

Like I've said many times, I love Ryan Adams and I always will.
Maybe his 3 released albums in one year could have been trimmed down into one perfect album. "Cold Roses" is the better choice if you were to try just one. This song is officially my time-tested favorite.

#10

"Stay" - The Ladies and Gentlemen

Cool Canadian Computer Blippy Music that makes you happy from the album "Small Sins".
Brilliant!

#11

"Factory" - Martha Wainwright

The kinda trashy diva-like songstress that was the toast of the Edmonton Folk Fest and might I add, the only-sister of Rufus.
I have a special love for this whole album. The summer-road-trip-picking-up-young-lady-hitchhikers-singing-at-the-top-of-yer-lungs kind of memories.

#12

"In My Leisure Suite" - Feist

"Let It Die" is a perfect album.
I listened to this song on a Sunny blissed out February afternoon in Cozumel, Mexico sitting on our patio over-looking the Caribbean Sea... My leisure suite indeed.
That beautiful memory is all I can think of when I hear this song.

#13

"Galaxies" - Laura Veirs

Laura Veirs is so cool. - Beautiful Spacey tune for a spacey day...
"Year of Meteors" is another great collection of songs.

#14

"Fake Palindromes" - Andrew Bird

"The Mysterious Production of Eggs" is full of cool middle-eastern tinged songs. This one especially reminds me of Saturday mornings eating tater-tots and basted eggs that Jenn prepared whilst I fiddled around making the perfect Saturday morning playlist.... This song seemed to always be on it.

#15

"Even Tho" - Joseph Arthur

I just love this song... It brought me through a strange part of the year in the early fall that was tinged with lots of overtime, drinking and a bizarre co-workers suicide....Very emotional and "Our Shadows Will Remain" filled that need.

#16

"High School" - Jeremy Fisher

One of the few Canadian Top 40 Radio Song that I actually liked From the Album "Let it Shine". Nicen'cheesy happy-go-lucky throwback retro-grunge song about being a teenager in the 1990's.
I was one and this song is catchy... It's all good.

#17

"Love Is Just a Game" - The Magic Numbers

Ah yes, love IS just a game isn't dahlings....
The Magic Numbers are a kind of a Mama's and Papa's For the younger set. Cute melodic Brother and Sister act outta England. Classic with a new spin.
I like it... Another great full album.

.... So anyways, that's my basic list. I keep remembering other good songs but this is the frigging list that has officially made me crazy.
If anyone would like to share some of their faves of 2005 I would be greatly interested to hear all about it.

----> Heavy librarian kisses to you all and best wishes for 2006.

2005-12-24T02:03:00.000-08:00

jaaayyy - zzuss egg nog tastes good!!!

with the wee bit of christmas rum.

yee haw.

top songs of 2005 coming soon..................

Time, Music and Breasts

2005-12-16T11:54:00.000-08:00

"Dost thou love life? Then do not squander time, for that is the stuff life is made of."
- Benjamin Franklin -

You know, I was just saying today, - as many find themselves blabbing to make workplace small-talk as the year winds down -
"My god this year has gone fast...where has the time gone...."

And really, I guess the year did slip away quite quickly... but then I think of my own personal microcosm one year ago and some things feel like ages.

How about the Great Boxing Day Tsunami?!

After a year FULL of disaster and strife it feels like eons ago. Tsunamis, Earthquakes, Hurricanes, Dead Popes and yet another 365 days of the relentless George W.... It's been a rough go.

Huh.

This time last year I was anxiously awaiting my next visit to Edmonton (with it's ungodly $369 "Christmas Week Flight" pricetag) with my darling Jenn, whom I had only physically spent less than 2 weeks-all-together with beforehand.
I was just excited to be in love and get loving.... The rare kind of exciting love and loving that goes with the newness and time apart.
At that point I was not even contemplating the big move or commitment and how my life could be so content and fufilled one measly year later....

Sometimes time is your harshest critic, and sometimes time can bring the greatest rewards.

Anyways,
That brings me to music....
A fabulous swing around the sun in tunage it has been indeed.
It's been nearly a whole year since I bought myself the EPIC album - "Funeral" by The Arcade Fire.
everyone's talking about it you know.

-----> Being Canadian, naturally we were fans first....

In traditional year-end fashion I believe I will attempt my own personal TOP 10 of best songs of the year over the next week or so.

My Christmas Wish is for everyone out there in blogland to have a brainstorm over the next week about their own personal "Top 10" and we can have a drink and a little sharing session of music tastes over the hollies.

ALSO

If you are not too into music you can always submit a "Best of the Breast XXXmas edition" photo...
-----> Tits under the tree, kissing breasts beneath the mistletoe.... "the moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow"
you get the drift, HO HO!

It's been a while since the last knockeriffic Best of the Breast Challenge....

I figure it's about time for some cold weather nipple stimulation.
It'll be fun.
Egg Nog and Mammaries - oh yes!

"....Clams on the half shell and Roller skates, Roller Skates!... Good Times, These are the Good Times... Leave your cares behind..."

Oh Aas!

2005-12-16T09:07:00.000-08:00

Thanks to the photoshop wizardry of the fabulous Aasmodeus I can now help a half-naked french lesbian-lover and build her a plane....

- perhaps I will be able to buck her rivets and she'll allow me to buff her leading edges....

I can learn quickly and I will be working to win after all.

Stumbling Podcasting Whores Unite!

2005-12-10T21:04:00.000-08:00

I've been kinda branching off into the brave world of internet exploration lately.....

Maybe it's just the time of year, or maybe it's just the time of man.
---- I've been so blog-oriented for the last however many months I guess I just got briefly bored with the whole "this is me doing my me-things over here in my me-world and here is a sweet picture that will give you insight into my little bit o' me-chaos"

Hmmmmm.....

I even got bored with corrosion.
I have a stockpile of rotted out ol' aeroplane bits in my toolbox waiting for a connielingus showcase.
I am not even joking about that.... I have a small group of "fans" at my work who actually give me corrosion specimens in the hope I might "blog" about them.

I have been falling behind.

So I got quite addicted to the Firefox Extension "StumbleUpon".

Yeah, that's right I am a stumbler.

You get a button, much like the Blogger "Next Blog", that says "Stumble!" and you are instantly and randomly transported to a "favorite" and "recommended" website or blog in the genre from your own predetermined personal list of interests. Some are so-so and some are wonderful... Then you can judge them if you please.

---------> Jenn and I stumbled hardcore for about 3 hours this morning.

It just really drives home the fact that the World Wide Web is REALLY TEEMING of fucked-uply interesting tidbits of fabulously artistic nonsense like Fly Guy or heartwarmingly twisted little animated movies like Karma Ghost.

These things make me happy.
I'm a simple girl in a complicated world.

Don't get me started on the sick fetish of podcast collecting.....

Jaysus! when did I turn into such a fucking computer nerd?........

I'm a hardcore tradeswoman!
My tools are rivet guns and hammers in my hand not some frivolous downloadable extension pack.....

Arrrrrrghhhh.

(lol.)

Raymi The Minx

2005-12-04T16:10:00.000-08:00

I am a secret lover of Raymi The Minx
- aka Lauren White. -

I look at her blog everyday.
I can tell she has an English Mum like me because she spells Mom "Mum" like a good english kid would.

- I bought the book, Marketable Depression because like most celebrity worship you just can't get enough.

Marketable Depression is a dirty-feeling diary.... A spew of uncomfortable in-depth-ness.....
Scary - but not really - when you consider the circumstances in which you came across it.

Why the fuck are we all so addicted to blogs anyways?!?
The unknown, the Peeping-Tom factor, getting inside someone's average life and analyze whether or not you agree or approve. For a laugh or for a cry....Just like you judge people in the real world, you judge blog people.
Lameness is universal and in various forms of HTML as well.
Maybe, if yer lucky, you will see an enthralling and artistic picture or two.

Blogs are a way to vent, to advertise, to have a voice, to be fucked up without consequence. We all wanna be something beyond our stupid lives we lead in the real world. It's all a secret little world inside your computer that eventually you begin to trust and worry that you may not satisfy....

You should appreciate blog writing not unlike you appreciate poetry...
Here is a little quote from Dylan Thomas that should apply to blogs as well as a poems.

"Read the Poems (blogs) you like reading. Don't bother whether they are important, or if they will live. What does it matter what poetry (blogging) is? after all. If you want a definition of poetry (blogging) say : Poetry (Blogging) is what makes me laugh or cry or yawn, what makes my toenails twinkle or what makes me do this or that or nothing." and let it go at that.... All that matters about poetry (blogging)is the enjoyment of it, however tragic it may be. All that matters is the external movement behind it, the vast undercurrent of human grief, folly, pretension, exhilaration, or ignorance, however unlofty the intension of the poem (blog)."

Maybe I am looking too deep into this.....

Nevertheless

Now there are Blog Bullies and Spam Nazis.....
But hey, Blog-reading is like a reality show that you can comment on.

Raymitheminx.blogspot.com is an honest to goodness guilty pleasure with an edge. I live vicariously through her antics. Enjoy the simpleness. Re-live a miss-spent youth. Hear about what movies are worth seeing and where to get drunk at live shows that are good in Toronah.
....... Maybe at the very least you'll see Nipples and some great fashion statements.

Lauren White is a personal web-log Pioneer you know.

Here is my favorite story from "Marketable Depression".....

Buy her Book. Buy it here. It's on sale for Christmas.
It's not pretty, but when you are 87 you might want to remember your secret blog-life as if it was a real source of human interaction.
So all in all,
A satisfyingly depressive memento into the human-blog life you now live here in late 2005.

So 2004......

2005-12-02T17:07:00.000-08:00

I was just thinking today about how my whole gaytastic lesboriffic lifestyle got so average.

- A blessing or a curse?-

Jenn and I were at a "friends from work" gathering last weekend and we actually just blended in with the other 30 something couplings of the het-er-oh variety.

Much to the shock and awe of my dear Jennifer - I was truly comfortable showing my girl on girl affection in public!

Stunning relation-shit revelations aside , I simply realized that maybe I'm not so "shocking" after all.
Tongue lashing lesbians aren't such the "party favor" they were a couple years ago.

Christ on a Crutch! We can actually marry....

Ellen D Gee is all mainstream now.

The L Word is on Showcase at 10 PM on a weeknight for godsakes.........

Lesbians are SO 2004.

Bah.

Blogging Is Like A New Relationship.......

2005-11-30T22:28:00.000-08:00

... In the beginning you want to do it every day, then after 6 months or so you only feel the need to do it once a week.

I am the lamest.
See y'all tomorrow.

The Top 10 Hottest Canadian Women..... (according to Connielingus) THE FINALE!

2005-11-24T18:09:00.000-08:00

Er, hello....
Finally. # 1 and #2 - so close, it could've gone either way.

Nevertheless, it is well worth the wait.... don't burn yer lips.

#2 SOOK YIN LEE

Everyones favorite Vancouver, BC Born Bisexual Ex-MuchMusic VJ comes in a strong second place.
As a young and impressionable alternative music loving teenage riot grrrl in the mid 90's, Sook Yin Lee was a bright light at the end of my dark baggy clothes wearing, kool-aid hair dying, Doc Marten stomping mess of a life.

Beautiful and cool. Smart and witty. The woman who introduced me to the Smashing Pumpkins one afternoon on "The Wedge".

There was no denying I had a big screwed-up sexual-identity crush on her.
- I suppose I still do....

Out of pure love and devotion I religiously listen to her discerning pop-culture radio show Definitely Not The Opera every Saturday afternoon on the CBC.

***** #1 FEIST *****

My. god. alive.
The most beautiful woman. The most beautiful voice. The coolest life story. Ever.
Uuuuuuuhhhhh
drool drool

I stole this little Bio from Always On The Run......
A perfect summation.

She was born Leslie Feist in Calgary in the mid-'70s but goes by her surname when it comes to making music for a living.
The Jhay-inspired songstress got her start playing in a high-school punk band called Placebo (not to be confused with the U.K. modern rock act of the same name). After winning a battle of the bands contest, Placebo played their first gig opening for the Ramones, and for the next five years, Feist perfected her rock ways. Touring cross-Canada in the end took its tool on Feist. She had strained her voice so much, she was told she'd never sing again.
To regain focus and medical assistance from another specialist, Feist fled her hometown to settle in Toronto in 1998. She spent six months holed up by herself in a basement with a four-track recorder. She bought a guitar as a means of temporarily replacing her voice and began crafting a natural pop sound. A year later, Feist was playing guitar for By Divine Right. She went on to play in front of countless stadium crowds as By Divine Right opened for the Tragically Hip across North America. Somewhere in between touring with some of Canada's biggest acts, Feist found time to record and self-released her first solo album, 1999's Monarch (Lay Down Your Jeweled Head).
After playing some smaller local gigs in and around Toronto, Feist moved in with electroclash rap vixen Peaches in 2000. Peaches christened Feist Bitch Lap-Lap and from there, Feist sang on and toured in support of Peaches' debut album, Teaches of Peaches.

Not one to stay too long in once place, Feist joined Broken Social Scene in the recording of their sophomore effort, You Forgot It in People. The album, which was released in 2002, became a critical success among the indie crowds after winning a Juno Award for "Alternative Album of the Year in 2003.

........Whilst you peruse the official FEIST website I must now go off and swap my slippery knickers.
Cheers.

The Apprentice....... Part 3

2005-11-20T01:05:00.000-08:00

My days of "mistress to an apprentice boy" were tragically cut short this week.
- My somewhat lovable towering galoot apprentice was fired. -

Turned out the poor guy was deathly afraid of ladders, and seeing as at the very least I spend half the week perched atop a 12 footer, Magnus darling was fucking doomed.

He did proceed to get caught talking instead of working by the Director of Maintenance and had a most unfortunate incident removing rivets with a wobbly drill that he had dropped earlier. Frustrations galore.....

Management was eager to send a clear message to the rest of the yobo's and it was good ol' Magnus who took one for the team.

Sticking out like a sore thumb is a bitch sometimes.

It turned out to be an interesting little test of my Journeyman conduct as well......

definitely not pleasant or comfortable.

- It was as much a trial by fire for me as it was for any apprentice.
I was invited for no less than 3 major "performance appraisals" by my own superiors who were judging my tenacity and assessment abilities as much as they were grading Magnus' young career.

At times the Trades world can come across so unnecessarily militaristic.

What it came down to was my performance in judgment over Magnus and his sloppy work habits.
Was I up to my top level position????

My gut instinct was to beg for some leniency and understanding, but it felt like my mission was, and is, only to point out any flaws and prove that it wasn't my misguiding that caused his obvious failure.
It was as much a test to my position of "power" as it was a test of the apprentice skill.
I was put on the spot, to put it simply.

I am sorry to see you go Magnus.
But it's better now than later.

Good luck kid.......

Fiddlin'!

2005-11-19T00:51:00.000-08:00

I've finally come to the conclusion that vibrators are a hazard to the health.

Now, don't get me wrong....

A little "whackie whackie" with the wee battery-powered wonder can quickly rekindle that lovin' feeling to many from time to time....

BUT statistics from my recent survey reveal that too many loverly ladies rely solely on the so-called buzzie buzz of the vibrator rather than the respectable feministly power of the rapidly wiggling finger.....

Yes, it's true that female sexual self-satisfaction is rarely spoken about in the media, but who cares?!
masturbation is the key to tackling depression!
Fiddle yourself to oblivion for World Peace!

Just stay away from the pesky vibrator......
Vibrators, aka "personal massagers" are bad news.

They cost money to purchase, they cost even more to operate!

Weak Double A's are the death to a good orgasm some days!
- with that constant blaaahzzzing buzz don't you feel as if you are losing "touch" ?

Hah! - then just before you get that numb overwhelm - the bastard gears down and it just feels as if you left your mobile phone in your super deep pocket and stupidest fucking people are phoning over and over....

No big "O"

You get too concerned with switching knobs and even replacing the "bats" from your T.V. Remote just to get off....

Sad really.

Whack it with you index dahlings!.....
Point it with yer pointy!

give it the ole' scout salute if you're not sure!

Manual is Manuless!!!!
No Battery or Electrical power!

A Numb Vagina is a Dumb Vagina indeed!

Just think about the most wonderful (and indescribably dirty) sex-act you can imagine and just give'er.

The Top 10 Hottest Canadian Women..... (according to Connielingus)

2005-11-18T17:40:00.000-08:00

Alright.... I will (and I promise) to fufill you with the top 4 hot canuck ladies in the next 2 days!!!!

#4 NELLY FURTADO

"You're beautiful, that's for sure
You'll never ever fade
You're lovely but it's not for sure
That I won't ever change
And though my love is rare
Though my love is true"

uuuuuuhhhhhh... How beautiful and talented can one Victoria, B.C. born Canadian/Portuguese woman be?????
Damn.

Here's a quick story....

A while back I randomly met this chick, at a random social gathering, who actually went to school with THE Nelly Furtado in Victoria....
Turns out, like most of us, Ol' Nellster was just a freaky "art/music nerd" in highschool. Definitely not the most gorgeous or popular in school at 17......

Huh. Funny how things turn out.

I'm Like a bird too Nelly.....

# 3.0 and # 3.1 TEGAN AND SARA (OR SARA AND TEGAN)

Oh the Joys of the rocking Calgary, Alberta born sisters!

I have had a self-satifyingly stable relationship with Tegan and Sara for nearly 5 years now.

6 concerts and counting.

I am being the typical asshole who bunches these two absolute undeniable unattainable hot specimens of lesbian twins of all of Canadiana together unfairly.

What could I do..... The score was so close....

I did not have a choice in the end.

In the "body" category they = HOT!
In the "face" category they = HOT!
In the "talent" category they both are definitely = HOT!

... As for personality, well, they are very different and difficult to decipher....

Sara is the more intricate and intensely independent twin who needs space and could possibly turn into a lovably high maintenance star.

I prefer her songs more.

Tegan is the "Loose Lips Sink Ships" kind....
This twin is peppy and confident and sweeps up all the ugliness of the world in her happy-go-lucky, pop-mistress "thing she does".

I love her "take charge attitude" but not her face piercing...

I suppose I'll leave the #3a and #3b choice up to the blog readers.....
- much to T & S 's dismay mind you.

(go with Sara)

The Top 10 Hottest Canadian Women..... (according to Connielingus)

2005-11-12T14:15:00.000-08:00

Well, The List is getting down to the nitty-gritty here..... Today we get down to it with #6 and #5.

#6 CASSIE CAMPBELL

There really is nothing hotter than a female professional athlete.

Canadian Women Hockey players are the absolute tops.
You know that English movie with the very attractive Keira Knightly - "Bend it Like Beckham"? They should have a young girls playing hockey movie called "Wrist it Like Wayner"......

...But, I digress...... 32 year old Brampton, Ontario native Cassie Campbell, The Captain of the Olympic Gold Medal Canadian Hockey Team is a perfect combination of athleticism, beauty and intelligence (she even holds a university degree).

A role model and a sporty sex symbol all rolled into one.....
She can shoot the puck through my 5-hole anytime.

#5 SARAH HARMER

My enchantment for the Burlington, Ontario born Sarah Harmer began in the late 90's when she was the lead singer, songwriter and guitarist for the little known band Weeping Tile.
By chance I caught her performing on a "New Music" CBC program one night in 1997 at 3:00 am and was hooked. Genius lyrics coupled with a beautiful but edgy folk-rock vibe....

unfortunately the band went on hiatus in 2000, but Sarah continued on to a much more lucrative solo career releasing the highly acclaimed album "You Were Here" which included a few of my fave songs from the Weeping Tile years.

Sarah's sound has deviated over the last couple years to a sort of oldtime folky, bluegrass theme... not necessarily my cup o' tea, but it is her flawless voice that keeps me around.

- Plus, I'm in love with her face.

The Apprentice....... Part 2

2005-11-10T20:41:00.001-08:00

Now that I see the apprentice boys in action, and how harshly we judge and grade them I can only look back at myself and try to relive just how I felt as an undisciplined, ignorant 20 year old. (an ignorant 20 year old girl at that......)

I wasn't much better. I definitely had my problems.

As a undeveloped tradeswoman, I was so overwhelmed by the man's man mechanic world.
- I didn't have any "trade" background!....
I concentrated on Fine Arts in High School. I liked to build things.
Obscure things, but it was building none the less.

I fucking well knew I was skilled enough. Girls can build aeroplanes too!

I went through a year of tech school training......
All of my other friends were in college, drinking and smoking and being young whilst I had to wake up at 5:30 am and drag myself to a huge cold room full of old aircraft with what seemed like a bunch of crabby middle-aged dinks who came across like they either wanted to hump me or see me fail miserably.

In those days, most nights I managed 5 hours of sleep with a slight hangover.

heh heh.
- What Technical school teaches you will never make you ready for "The Hangar Floor"

"The Hangar Floor" is a unstable place. You never know what will happen,
What problems you will face, and who will be watching your performance and judgments along the way.

The biggest stress point with aircraft maintenance is costs.

As technicians we are billed somewhere near $60 US per hour to a customer. Hardware costs are in the 10 of thousands....Sometimes a basic yearly Airline overhaul check can cost nearly a million.
The only cost control a Aircraft Maintenance Facility has to make profit is the "manhours". We are severely encouraged to make the best of every second we are in the facility.
We punch in for a shift. We punch in to every specific job we do. We bill out every square inch and every gram of material we use. We have estimated hours for each maintenance practice........ You dare not go over.

These are things you only appreciate after years in the "service"
You have to buy into the system. It's a group effort.

If you choose to be a fuck up and call in sick every couple of weeks and not "walk with a purpose" when you actually are at work you are let go without honour.
- The ones who work hard and fast are awarded with overtime hours and "out of town trips" which equal even more overtime hours.

Sometimes a 20 year old doesn't care to see this far.

I wonder what would have become of me if I hadn't made it.
What would I have turned to after being deemed no good for my chosen trade.......
I can't imagine what I would have ended up doing with myself.
Scary shit.....
So much of my recent history has been due to my job..... 9 years of my life.

My last 3 significant relationships are result of friends of friends of family I knew from work.
My comfort level, my house, new car and vacations are all results of working hard at my high skilled trade.
Everything that pertains to who I am today is because of my employment at the same company for so many years.

What would have happened to me if my "so called fate" hadn't meant to be?????
What would I have become?

At 20 who knows.

There are so many things out there to lure you away from a satisfying life.
Sticking with the "game plans" guarantees the pleasure.......

- Knowing this you want the best for your young guys coming in....

BUT knowing this you can only hope your young "only interested in partying" guys have the capability to already know and want this too.

The Top 10 Hottest Canadian Women..... (according to Connielingus)

2005-11-09T21:35:00.000-08:00

Today we will dive head-first into the #8 and #7 place finishers of this countdown to the numero uno of Captivating Canadian Cuties.....

#8 KATHLEEN EDWARDS

Hailing from Ottawa, Ontario the 26 year old Kathleen Edwards captured my heart back in 2003 when I heard the first song from her highly acclaimed album "Failer".

Wise beyond her years and a fabulous alt-country singer-songwriter/guitarist and violinist, I've seen her in concert no less than 3 times....

My titillation was peaked this past summer as I actually had the chance to meet (and fawn over) this ginger-haired darling in person when she was the opening act for Willie Nelson.

She is so cool......

#7 LAUREN LEE SMITH

Lauren Lee Smith Best known for her role as "The Soup Chef" in the first season of "The L Word" this 25 year old Vancouver BC native is nothing but stunning.

An adorable on-screen presence coupled with a naughty love-scene with Erin Daniels scores big points with the judges at The Connielingus Top 10.....

MEEEOOOOOWWWW!
Here's hoping for a reunion-style Lara/Dana hookup in Season 3.....

***Stay Tuned for the #5 and #6 place finishers tomorrow!***

The Top 10 Hottest Canadian Women..... (according to Connielingus)

2005-11-08T21:33:00.000-08:00

Alright!.... over the next few days I will unveil the ultimate in "Hottest Canadian Women" from my own personal views and preference.

Just to be clear.....the "hot" factor for me is a combo of looks, brains, and skills.... it is by no means your average shallow self-indulgent listing.

Nothing But Substance and Dykish Charm Here at Connielingus......

So Here Goes...... The Fabulous Number 10 Canadian Woman is.....

#10 - JULIE DOIRON

Julie Doiron used to be in one of my most fave bands "Eric's Trip" when I was an impressionable young lass of 17.
I was in love with her low-fi grunge-pop voice long before I ever saw her face.... and when I finally did it became quite clear that this girlish love affair was meant to be.

She still makes beautiful and strange music in New Brunswick to this very day.

# 9 - MIA KIRSHNER

Every good Lesbo knows that Mia Kirshner plays the utterly annoying sexual-identity searching "Jenny Schecter" in the hit T.V. Show "The L Word".

- Annoying or not this luscious Toronto native has appearered in several indie films and knows how to tongue-lash a girl on screen....
and not just any girl mind you.... she got right to the point with "Marina" played by the ever so Euro-trash epitome of gorgeous Karina Lombard.......

"uuuuuuhhhhhh Marinaaaaa"
- A believable and passionate straight woman-woman kiss is considered great acting in my mind.....

.......Plus you really can't deny her sex appeal either.

tomorrow...... #8 and #7!

Those Dastadly Calgary Flames.......

2005-11-06T21:17:00.000-08:00

Here's a little Ass-Over-Tea-Kettle hockey action for your monday Morn.....

heh heh... nice one Dion Phaneuf.

The World Is a Vampire (a candid look at Fearmongering in 2005)

2005-11-03T17:47:00.000-08:00

This Just In! WE ARE FUCKING DOOMED.

Hey, the way I see it, if Mother Nature doesn't wipe me out in the next year it will be those pesky Terror Cells!
Then again, maybe I'll be tucked safely into my Death-Bed by the dreaded "hsiswiudghtgtfw strain" of the Asian Bird Flu or that belated infestation of tainted Mozzies with the West Nile Virus that will finally suck my red wine infused high pressure blood.......

In the meantime the interest rates are going up along with the skyrocketing fuel prices so the only relief for the commuting nightmare is to run out and get yourself one of those highly overpriced (and extremely "unmanly") go-carts, The Smart Car.
Its a pleasure for the pocketbook AND a real help for the environment... That is until you are wiped out by some ridiculously rich Albertan Oil Maven in his Dually Diesel Duramax Chev..... Because unlike the Mountain Pine Beetle devastated British Columbia Forestry Industry, the sleazy, greazy oil-soaked Albertans seem to always be "in the black" with their precious "Black Gold".......

But here's where it gets kinda interesting.....

You see, It's only "black gold" until a few years down the road where it is actually proven without a doubt that it really, truly IS the world's insane amounts of Fossil Fuel Emissions responsible for causing the record-setting tirade of severe weather mood-swings that by 2010 have reduced the Caribbean and the southern coastal United States into a tree-less pile of mud that is slipping into the ocean.

- By this point, back here in Canada, the droughts in the West have caused a myriad of forest fires and crop destruction.... The naturally produced power has all been sold to California and B.C.'s famed and lucrative hydroponic Marijuana exports have all but seized to exist. The Farmers in Central Canada have all taken their lives quietly amongst the tumbleweeds that were once blowing fields of wheat and barley....
As the price of living spirals out of control, every Canadian with enough bus fare will attempt to join the Newfies in Fort McMurray for one last cash-in at the bitter end of the anti-climactic Canadian Dream.... A leisurely pipe dream of sucking the Earth dry of it's ever-dwindling supply of Natural Resource....
And it will be at that very moment - the only sound you will hear is the echoing PLOP of a salty tear from Ralph Klein's puffy eye as it cascades down his face into the worlds final glass of Canadian-produced Rye Whiskey.

The Apprentice....... part 1

2005-11-01T20:30:00.000-08:00

Things at work have gotten quite interesting.......

I now have my own personal young apprentice boy by my side!...... He's 20 years old, 6 foot 5 inches and about 300 pounds. (I'll call him "Magnus" to protect the innocent and useless.)

Fucking kids these days are huge and mouthy and need a good kick in the arse.
and I believe I shall be the one to do it.

Now, not surprisingly, I've found it all somewhat empowering.
I have realized that after my harrowing 8.4 years of being one of the lowest on the proverbial "Tradesman Totempole" that now I am ready to have my own personal little whipping boy... and that it makes me quite happy... almost giddy to be honest.

Heh Heh
Seems I have a lot of female post-apprentice issues to work out on poor ol' Magnus......

Right away I have commanded him to say "Thank-you Mistress" after every instance that I bail him out of a near fuck-up, give him a helpful hint or tell him he's doing alright.
Being the gormless eager-beaver that he is, finds this quite exciting....

.....I am finding bossing young punks around quite invigorating!

Stay tuned for more stories from "THE APPRENTICE"

I Lost My Bloggin' Mojo.

2005-10-30T10:41:00.000-08:00

Dear lovely and intelligent readers of Connielingus;

I had a bit of a holiday from the pleasures of the blog and I believe I am back now to thrill and amaze you all (or what may be left of you) once again.

I had a bit of a quiet personal meltdown.... I was working quite a lot of overtime, not sleeping properly, drinking too much caffeine and alcohol.
I had completely given up going to the gym and I was eating way too many globules of delicious stinky cheese with my skinny little French girlfriend while drinking beer and watching hockey.
I was getting acid reflux that crawled it's way up my throat every morning and I was having those weird muscle twitches right below my eyelid.
At one point I was considering taking up smoking again and my unnaturally high and amazing sex drive had slipped into neutral.
Whackin' it had become a chore as I wasn't turning myself on feeling like a tired twitching fatty blob of acidic dairy products.
Something had to give.... and sadly it was the joy of blogging.

But hey, I feel much better now.

There's nothing better than a good nights sleep after a little run on the treadmill to get the self-love juices flowing again.
Working a normal 40 hour week is quite conducive to a healthy blog as well.... and we all know how utterly self-satisfying that is.

heh heh.

So in closing, I promise to return with all the vigor you have come to expect of me... as well as my usual subtle dose of soft porn and corrosion.

Lots of Love,
Connie

Now that I've Had 10 THOUSAND Visits to this Shameless Dirty Blog......

2005-10-15T02:21:00.000-07:00

Lets Just Sum up everything that is Connielingus......

Dirty, Dirty Aeroplane Corrosion.....

My Live-In-Lovin' Lesbo-Riffic Relationship....

The Ever-so-brilliantly luscious L Word......

Underdog 1982 Canucks....

Nathan Lafayettes Game 7 Goalpost loser 1994 Canucks.....

uhhhhhhhhhh............

Whackin' Off.....

Random Friends and Blogger Breasts

Strange Photos and Sook Yin Lee.

2005-10-12T13:44:00.000-07:00

Nothing Like a Good Soak and a Poke for the Holidays....

2005-10-10T16:42:00.000-07:00

Like the good hiking-boot-wearing-lesbo's that we are, the Canadian Thanksgiving holiday weekend saw Jenn and I jet off to the Village of Nakusp , a natural hotsprings Mecca nestled in the West Kootenays Region of B.C. for some much needed rest and relaxation before the traveling season comes to an end.....

It was Lovely.....

JAY- ZUS!!!!

2005-10-06T20:05:00.000-07:00

I Nearly Boiled my Left Nipple!

Hockey Is Back........

2005-10-06T16:20:00.000-07:00

Doesn't it feel good! Hockey Night In Canada!

****Vancouver Canucks... Western Conference Champs 2005-2006..... Defeat Ottawa Senators to Win the Stanley Cup in Game 7 - June 2006.....*****
It is the Chinese Year of the Dog after All.....

May the 12 Year Curse Be Broken.......

The Vancouver Canucks join the National Hockey League 1970 - The Year of the Dog
The Vancouver Canucks go to the Stanley Cup Final 1982 (lose in Game 4) - The Year of the Dog
The Vancouver Canucks go to the Stanley Cup Final 1994 (lose in Game 7) - The Year of the Dog
The Vancouver Canucks ........ 2006 the Year of the Dog

* AIRPLANE CORROSION OF THE WEEK *

2005-10-03T17:16:00.000-07:00

I have just recently realized that I have quite a loyal following of my undeniably sparse Corrosion Shenanigans, and as my title suggests I really should be having some sort of corrosion every "week".
I am sorry I have misled you in the past.... but I promise to show you all of my notable findings, no matter how monotonous to me.....

I suppose I never really thought the sights of such dirty rotten parts would turn anyone on as much as me.
I started the CORROSION OF THE WEEK as sort of a joke.... But, like my Mama warned me, it seems the world really is a small place and it's true that the internet brings out ALL the freaks and geeks......

- So with no further ado, here, my beloved airplane nerds, is your *AIRPLANE CORROSION OF THE WEEK*!!!!!!

Today I have Showcased a blown-out fitting in the Main Landing Gear wheel well of a Boeing 727.

All that was visible to a trained eye after the area was cleaned of all the greasy muddy muck that sprays around being open to the elements during takeoff and landing, was a small puff of fine white dust at the corner of this fitting.

The decision was made to remove the part for a better look and VOILA! The corrosion was much worse than anticipated.
The part was "kicked to the airport curb" and a new one was ordered ASAP from Boeing.com at the usual insane price that is so high for one little measly part you would never believe it even if I told you.
Just think Hundreds.
Then think at least 6 hours labour to install....

Maybe THAT'S why it all is such an unexpected and unexplained turn on for me.... Big Ticket Damage Caused By Average Every Day Environmental Wear and Tear....

Makes you wonder how much of that is false inflation due to the "Rich Bitch Factor"
- you know, like the obvious difference in parts and labour costs between, say, a Pontiac and a Porsche.......

Don't Get yer Knickers in a Twist!

2005-10-01T16:40:00.000-07:00

Oh my, this has been my best readership in months!

Why?

Lets start from the beginning.........

I have a guilty blog pleasure aptly named Panties Panties Panties.
- Jenn and I like to check a couple times a week, never comment, and are forever on the lookout for a good pair of knickers to showcase on the highly coveted "Guest Panties"

It has ladies (and men) in exotic, beautiful panties, but it also has a genius layout that has the blogmaster and blogmistress, Brett and Hiromi, speaking to us in an intelligent conversational mode.
I love that they banter back and forth about their sexual escapades, as well as their daily goings-on.

Fetish or Not - It has leather, it has lace....It is suggestive but doesn't leave you feeling violated.
It is a perfect blog about a specialty theme.
Not too porny.... Its just right.

WELL IMAGINE MY SURPRISE When I clicked over yesterday to find that there had been a post in my honour about (of all things) my hatred of RUSH and my subtle dirty talk about corrosion!

MY GOD! I have been showcased on Panties Panties Panties!

Over 100 ginchlovers from all over the globe have perused my blog today because of this referral alone.

uhhhhh...
I am so turned on right now.

Pleasure Is The Only Thing To Live For..... Nothing Ages Like Happiness - (Oscar Wilde)

2005-09-30T17:00:00.000-07:00

Hello, I Haven't Been Around Much, But Now I'm Here to Bitch and Whine For Your Enjoyment

2005-09-29T20:26:00.000-07:00

I am burnt out.

I have just gotten my period.

I have now officially worked more hours in overtime than I get in holiday time this year and it is only September....
I'm on par for a leisurely 60 hours this week as it seems as I've been asked (begged) to work on Saturday.

Wheeeeeeeeeeee!

And last, but certainly not least.......

There is someone I am forced to spend copious amounts of time with - quite possibly the most annoying person in the world who blabs on and on and on about knowing everything about everything and who is apparently the master of all and everything you could possibly be interested in and can't even engage in an civil argument, let alone a normal conversation without dominating it and 9 times out of 10 coming across like a complete moron and not even realizing it.
blah blah blah blah.... blah.... blah.

(Take that! You little FD.)

My Saturday Meanderings.......

2005-09-24T14:46:00.000-07:00

This picture makes me feel happy on so many levels...

I found it on a vintage photo blog called Big Happy Funhouse and it seems to a have subtle old-school "upskirt" vibe going on.

Nevertheless, some great candid pics from when your mum was a wee gaffer.

2005-09-23T21:13:00.000-07:00

Bloggers enjoy taking pictures of themselves in the mirror.....
AS WELL AS:
- Bitching about lame-ass people doing useless things....
- Bitching about stupid things we see on the internet.....

Imagine if someone wrote a blog post bitching about the insane amount of lame people taking stupid pictures of themselves in the mirror and posting them online via blogger.

Now That's Steeped.......

2005-09-21T20:56:00.000-07:00

The Sexy Mother Of All Corrosion.........

2005-09-19T20:55:00.000-07:00

Hamish - This ones for you....
(My oh My.....You are in for a treat!)

This has to be one of the most extensively rotted out pieces of Aircraft Structure I have witnessed in the past 9 years of my aviation induced delirium.....

A Dirty specimen.... sludgy-slime and ancient toilet water sloshing up and down the Stringer channels, marinating deep inside the rivet holes, leaching into the grains of the once light but strong aluminum extrusion.
Exfoliating from the inside out underneath rows of hot avionics equipment and air conditioning ducts this section was left dark and dank, sweating and freezing, lightly stinking of an acidic ammonia-ish smell that can only be aluminum corrosion.

My pupils dilate, my heart races.....
A blowout of such epic proportions it could make an inspector weak at the knees....

- Lying in a soft bed of white dust....
it's large gaping hole, flakes of dissolution like petals of a flower...

- A True Blowout - as beautiful as it is frightening.

The only thing left to do is warm up the rivet guns and drill her out. A complete stringer replacement is the only remedy to this sick bit of festering non-ferrous metal.

You see, it's not "Rust" my friends... Rust Never Sleeps.......

.....And neither does Aluminum Exfoliation Corrosion.

2005-09-15T20:48:00.000-07:00

Hi.
Due to Popular Demand I will be having a special Corrosion Extravaganza over the weekend.
- I literally have folks from round the globe pining for my dilapidated blistering aluminum aeroplane bits.

There are some great photo's to showcase, and seeing as the frustrating suspense waiting for the Urine/Coke/Coffee drops to powder-up is causing an uproar I was thinking I might just suspend some aluminum in a jar of piss..... See how that goes.

As your Licensed Aircraft Maintenance Engineer (LAME) Corrosion Maharishi, I promise the investigation and metallurgic wisdom will continue without further delay......

Check out the history of The Connielingus Corrosion Epic Here

Things Can Only Get Better.......

2005-09-14T19:27:00.000-07:00

Finally.
It's been a good day....

- George Bush actually admitted that He and the U.S. Government were ultimately to blame for shitting the bed down south with ol' hurricane Kat...
(WTF Dubya? Seems there was no possible way to blame it on the Al-Queda this time.....)

- Gas went DOWN 4 cents a litre this bright and shiny morn......

- In a mere 2 days I've been in a healthy, satisfying relationship that is equal parts friendship, love and sex for 1 whole year.
It is still in the undeniable stages of perfection...... I'll try not to jinx it.

- Today I bought the new David Gray album - Life In Slow Motion

You know even if ol' Dave is the Original (and much better) predecessor of the overblown "Coldplayesque Dinner Party Music genre" I still will always retain a certain sweet spot for his lyrical mastery.
There always seems to be one song that hits me right where it hurts and makes me so happily forlorn and reflective.

This album easily has 3.

A perfect compilation... A lot like his older stuff....with more to it..

Go Buy it.

Text Me.

2005-09-12T17:47:00.000-07:00

I have a real problem with the Telephone. I'll admit it.... I really hate talking on the phone.... Well, mostly I don't enjoy the actual "answering" it part.

This issue of mine is not news....

Lots of my friends and family absolutely abhor this wee little quirk about me.... I am tired of catching shit for my phonephobia and I have decide to investigate deep inside just to let it be out in the open as to why I will always "Just Let the Machine Get It".

- First of all, just to be clear, I am not home a lot of the day. I am gone for 10 hours every week day at the bare minimum, and the rest of my time at home is spent eating, bathing, cleaning, cooing in my girlfriends ear, sex and/or wacking off, followed by some brisk blogging and then hopefully at least 7 hours of sleep crammed in there somewhere.
I really truly don't have a lot of free time for any idle chit-chat.

This is my only REAL excuse........

The rest of my phone phobia is a murky mixture of subliminal fear of the unknown topic, a pulsating distaste of small talk, and a short phone-chattin' attention span.
Add that to the absolute anger induced feeling of being "hang-on'ed" whilst someone goes off to answer the other fucking line, or the utter disrespect of your phone-partner watching T.V. or multitasking as you are speaking, missing your whole blah, blah, blah.

For the most part I find talking on the horn is a an often un-wanted and frightening commitment...
You have to at the very least sound interested, as if two seconds earlier you weren't totally engrossed in the news program.... You are expected to add your opinions at the same time of attempting to cook dinner or argue with your loved one....

There just never seems to be a good time for me.....

You see, my lack of pressing the TALK button isn't that I don't care about you....

It's just that I don't care about you at that exact moment!

Which brings me to precisely why I cancelled my cell-phone. Ignoring the happy-go-lucky downloaded ringtone while I am picking up groceries, the damn thing vibrating in my pocket while browsing the adult video store....
Missing calls while I drive with the my music blasting and then later hearing the bitchy words on the voicemail saying over and over and over "Connie! Why the fuck do you have a cell phone if you never answer it!!!"

Errr... Just in case I break down on the highway?

To be honest, the reason I have come right out and admitting my problem is because a friend of mine recently told me she would text message me if I got my cell phone going again....
It scared me how enticing it was to me... Truly fascinated at the possibility.
....So private, so creative and so non-committal at the exact moment that message would come thru. Perfect.

See!
It's not that I'm a inefficient communicator folks.... I have a successful thought-provoking blog for fuck sake!

It's just that I choose to do my correspondence to your face or written in just such a way that I always sound witty and intelligent... Not the facade of a serious telecommunic-interchange as I quietly try to take a pee after I've folded my knickers with your lovely voice blah blah blahing in my ear long into the night.

Life is But a Dream.....

2005-09-08T19:17:00.000-07:00

My apologies, I try to be a happy-go-lucky blogger, but I've been pushing this tragic news away all week......

An acquaintance of mine from work offed himself over the long weekend.

After all the fun and laughs I had over those same 3 days - laughs that were tonic to my soul - the contrast was that someone that I knew was out there at the edges of reason, and at the end of his rope.

It wasn't a secret that he had been depressed about his relationship, fucked up about the birth of his son. He chased it with alcohol like most of us do. He didn't cope so well. He missed some time at work to sort himself out, and he seemed alright when he returned.

Last summer at a party we stood holding each other up talking about how guilty he felt and he drunkenly asked me over and over.... "Do you hate me for how I've been...for what I've done???"

I told him "Life is short, you gotta do what you gotta do to be happy."

That phrase has been running over and over in my mind all week, and although he was a work buddy and an occasional party pal I was quite oblivious to just how bad it was. I haven't had a single concrete feeling about it since the moment I heard the news first thing on Tuesday morning...

I think he was a fool.... I'm sad he's gone from this world.... I worry about his two babies.... Up until now I pretended not to let it affect me at all.

His funeral is happening right now as I type this......I chickened out.

I suppose this is paying my respect.
S... I think you are a fucking coward, but I'm so sorry that your life got so overwhelming.
I guess you did what you had to do....to be happy.

I don't hate you.

The "I Hate Rush!" Gang Gets One Member Stronger

2005-09-07T18:06:00.000-07:00

Back in April I had a Rush Overload. The Godforsaken gAWdAWful 1970/1980ish Prog-Rock Band Rush had finally taken it's screechy toll on this self-proclaimed music guru.

It's no secret I enjoy a lot of music....
....All different kinds really....
A little over 3200 songs just on this one small home computer alone -> AND NOT FUCKING ONE IS BY RUSH.

**** Anyhoo , the reason I was brought sharply and gloriously back into my Geddy Lee "Hate On" was that the fabulous Kitty Juggs reports that she too has a healthy loathing of all things Proggy Rawk and was kind enough to link to my shameless rant of a blog post. (I am the first "here" in the "here, here, and here.")

I'm always proud to whore out any blog that wants to hate Rush openly....
We should make a gang.

The Mack - Don Cabin Chronicles 2005

2005-09-05T21:13:00.000-07:00

The Pina Colada Song
(The H.O.T. Hawt Version)

I was tired of my boring life
I had been working too hard
Like your average blue collar stiff
I hadn't laughed for so long.....

Well It was becoming quite blatant
I'd been longing for my old mates
To travel in from near and far...
- The yearly Cabin 18 reunion awaits -

So If You Like Pina Colada's
And pissing into the wind
Take a trip to the Westside
To that cabin 'round the bend...

...Bring something soft to pass out on,
some Rye and a Keg.
...Bring some meat or a Veggie Dog,
and some extra smokes for those who beg.

...So if you are not into a noisy scene,
or a Grumpy Bocce Gnome -
You best be packing up your tent
And make your way home....

Yes, I like Pina Colada's
And playing Cards in the Rain
Mini Bottles of good Scotch
And slowly melting my brain

...And when I ask you to "Knock Me!"
you best reciprocate
afternoon drunk playing Bocce
- an evening nap with your mate.....

Yes, I liked my Pina Colada's
And asking where is "The Brad"
And now that its over
I'm quite certain I am sad...

It was the weekend I had hoped for,
And we came thru unscathed.....

...Except for a subtle shake,
And the smell of the unbathed.

(Once again - Many Thanks to the Mack Don's and their razor-sharp edge... The inspiration for lame hung-over poetry such as this)

My Apologies......

2005-09-02T00:17:00.000-07:00

I've Been a Bit Of a Lazy Blog Bum as of late........

.....And A Bit of a useless Tit......

- Just in Dire Need of an Inspirational Long Weekend and Everything Shall Return to Norm.....

XOOXOXOX Connie

My Favorite Reads.....

2005-08-27T14:56:00.000-07:00

(click to enlarge)

Excerpt from "Flaming Iguanas" - By Erika Lopez

Dedicated to Catherine "Han" Gunn.... Wherever the fuck you disappeared too.

Leisha Hailey It Is.......

2005-08-26T00:26:00.000-07:00

Congrats to Arcane One who was the first to get the Correct answer!
Way to go....

Yes the pic is indeed L Word's own "Alice Piezecki" taken while she was a member of the 90's Rock band The Murmurs. She was also quite famous for being the young and rocking girlfriend of k.d. lang and also starring in the Teen Lesbian coming of age flick "All Over Me"

Can Anyone Guess Who This Is?

2005-08-24T11:44:00.000-07:00

Ok, here's a hint: This photo was taken in the early 90's of a woman who used to be in a rock band and involved with another famous singer...... Now in the mid 2000's has switched careers and her look.....

Whatever Happened to Connielingus????

2005-08-22T11:01:00.000-07:00

Errr, Hello.... Remember me?

Yes - I disappeared for a few days there.....BUT, it wasn't so much being "Blog-lazy" as it was that my sweet little life has become outrageously busy and I have been an outright airplane-fixin' whore in this last week.
I ended up working 10 hour evening shifts for 7 days in a row, due to a lot of major repairs needing to be finished in a short period of time....
...also, Jenn has been applying for some new jobs and I have been driving her here, there and everywhere in the mornings.....
... that coupled with the fact that the Canadian Mens Olympic Hockey Training Camp was in town, so being such a shameless hockey slut, I couldn't miss it.

It was amazing the natural skill these guys have... Basically the best players in the world together on the same team. It's ridiculous how simple they make it all seem.

There he is, our boy Bertuzzi(far right) Along with Chris Pronger, Adam Foote, and Mike Peca.
"WHERE'S WAYNER?" - Can Anyone spot Wayne Gretzky in the Background?

Here is what happens when a dumb Baggage Handler hits the side of the Aircraft beside the Cargo pit door. The damage gets cut out.....

... And a huge patch engineered by Boeing gets riveted on.

So this is where I've been - I can barely believe that my computer wasn't even turned on for 3 or 4 days...
I've undoubtedly missed you, and I was very proud of the creativity displayed over the weekend at Angry Chimp with the "Over 2U Friday".
Nice Work!

WHAT EVER HAPPENED TO.......

2005-08-16T11:39:00.000-07:00

NENA KERNER - of the Band NENA

In typical one-hit-wonder World Domination style, there isn't a person over the age of 25 who doesn't remember and secretly adore the 1984 Germanic New-Wave poptastic little ditty 99 Red Balloons.....

What set this seemingly happy little song about Red Balloons apart from all the braindead happy little songs of the early 1980's is that it actually was a subtle, yet poignant protest song about the past and the renewed cold-war feelings of the Reagan Administration....
- a little inconspicuous darkness for a ridiculous decade.....

The cheesy, less intense English version of the song went to #2 on the Billboard Hot 100 and was certified gold.

99 Red Balloons

You and I in a little toy shop
Buy a bag of balloons with the money we've got
Set them free at the break of dawn
'till one by one they were gone
Back at base, sparks in the software
Flash the message "something's out there"
Floating in the summer sky
Ninety nine red balloons go by

Ninety nine red balloons
Floating in the summer sky
Panic bells, it's red alert
There's something here from somewhere else
The war machine springs to life
Opens up one eager eye
And focusing it on the sky
The ninety nine red balloons go by

Ninety nine decisions treat
Ninety nine ministers meet
To worry, worry, super scurry
Call the troops out in a hurry
This is what we've waited for
This is it boys, this is war
The President is on the line
As Ninety nine red balloons go by

Ninety nine knights of the air
Ride super high-tech jet fighters
Everyone's a super hero
Everyone's a Captain Kirk
With orders to identify
To clarify and classify
Scramble in the summer sky
Ninety nine red balloons go by

As ninety nine red balloons go by

Ninety nine dreams I have had
In every one a red balloon
It's all over and I'm standing pretty
In this dust that was a city
If I could find a souvenir
Just to prove the world was here
And here is a red balloon
I think of you and let it go

After that Exciting Flash-in-the-Pan, The Band Nena followed by issuing an English-language album, It's All in the Game (1985).
But when it flopped, the band dissolved.

(Hey! - is that Mike Meyers on the bottom left?!?!?!?!)

Since then, still living comfortably of the royalty's only enjoyed by an 80's one-hit-wonder artist, Nena Kerner has been recording as a solo artist, mostly in her native language.

The Great Canadian Corrosion Experiment - Week 4

2005-08-15T10:08:00.000-07:00

Well, this Experiment is going to be long and drawn out as to be quite honest - so far not a whole bunch has happened.

Great for the holidays, but detrimental to my experiment - it's been so freakin' hot here the last little while that the piss is evaporating shortly after it is dropped out, and the cola seems to have made a hardened gooey sugar protective coating, therefore not allowing in any more air or moisture in.......

CURSES!

Like I mentioned a few weeks ago, if I was to truly recreate an "underfloor aircraft corrosion experience" I would have to simulate a cool dark dank place where nothing evaporates, and only gets added too by more and more corrosive materials and warm heavy human breath and sweat droplets day after day.

But you must bear with me......

The only one that seems to had a bit of change was the scratched clad urine specimen.

This photo really doesn't show you very well, but there is a bit more discoloration and a bit of white powder beginning to form inside the aluminum scores.
As predicted the clad aluminum has not changed at all, and the aluminum with the screw thru has not shown any obvious signs of degradation either.... So far.

Corrosion Experiment INTRODUCTION
Corrosion Experiment - Week 1

"If Love Makes The World Go Round, Why Are We Going To Outer Space?"

2005-08-13T18:40:00.000-07:00

Pee Pee Poo Poo Bum Bum

2005-08-12T17:33:00.000-07:00

Seeing as this week in the lives of my particular Blog gang has had the "Bodily Functions" theme I figured everyone could appreciate this article from THE QUEEN OF THE POON BASSOON.... The one and only Raymi the Minx

As far as my own personal contribution....

Have you ever had a poo in the bush ?

- Once I did whilst camping in the backwoods of the Cariboo in Northern BC, where my good ol' friend Ape at Salt and Vinegar lives.

Human poo looks wrong in the wild....

I'm sure if any animals were watching me as my pee dribbled on the back of my shoes, they could have certainly sensed my awkward attempt at defecation, smell the toxic combination of Rye Whiskey and Potato Chips and actually really wondered just how it was possible that the bipedal Homo Sapien could have actually taken over the earth.

Ryan Adams Sucks

2005-08-10T22:14:00.000-07:00

Well Hello there.

I made it back home after a splendid weekend of sun and fucking great tunes and the wonderful discovery that Ryan Adams is, in fact, the drunken, cocky, asinine perpetual child that he is famous for.
I was not particularity fond of his obvious dissatisfaction with the whole "Family Folk Fest" thing, but then again, I was not really surprised as I almost fell over in disbelief after reading he was a Sunday Evening Headliner way back in June....
Did the Festival organizers not read about his countless unpredictable outbursts ??????

But all said and Done, you gotta love him for staying true and being such a colossal asshole.

Ah well - Like I always say....Love the Songs, Not the Singer

With her twitchy, sweaty, disheveled white "Nancy Sinatra Boot" wearing look, Martha Wainright obviously had a rough night before her 1 pm show....
She was a wee bit of a crack victim, but like a good Rock n' roll trooper, she still managed to kick it out in her hardcore folkin' style....

I love her.

Big in the UK, but basically unheard of over here in Canada, The absolutely-fabulously charming Thea Gilmore forced me to become a fan.

I think I love her too.

So all in all, it was worth the $109 CDN Weekend pass...
a weekend which we happily folk'ed our way through - listening passionately to the angstful poetry set to acoustic guitars, taking in the seemingly impromptu Folk-music-induced "librarian convention" - eating granola bars and lukewarm sweaty cheese and wilted lettuce sandwiches from our backpack, all the while rolling around on Edmonton grasses in the teasing heat of the Alberta Summer till we dropped in a meaningful yet ironic lump.

I Could Use The Word "Folk" as a Funny Expletive, But I Won't....

2005-08-05T00:05:00.000-07:00

I'm off once again...

This time 'round it's my annual jaunt to the Edmonton Folk Fest.
This Year I am extremely excited to witness *live and acoustic*, one of my all-time fave artists - The Fabulous Ryan Adams!!!

(I know, I know.... I just have a weak spot for the alt-count-y'all-ternative scene. What's an aging riot-grrrrl to do?)

Actually, I'm pretty stoked about witnessing the melodic raspy-rants of the lovely Martha Wainright as well.... (I wrote a raving assessment of her self-titled album back in the spring in *New Music Reviews*)

Anywoo.... I will see you all on Tuesday with a fresh Update on the "Great Canadian Corrosion Experiment" and some highlights from my exciting roadtrip life.

Have a great weekend!

Hello I love You Won't You Tell Me Your Name

2005-08-04T18:48:00.000-07:00

- You Heard It Here First (whether you care or not!) -

2005-08-02T22:34:00.000-07:00

The "rumour" has just been announced on CKNW News
Naslund is Back for the Canucks!
Happiness abound!

"Absence Diminishes Little Passions and Increases Great Ones, As Wind Extinguishes Candles and Fans a Fire"

2005-08-02T21:56:00.000-07:00

Summer and Blogging Don't Mix.

2005-07-30T15:27:00.000-07:00

As you know already, from my incessant whining, all about my perpetual busy life that is nagging interference to my personal pleasure zone of blogging - now you must add the stunning and insane hot weather (35 degrees Yesterday) to the list.
These lazy dog-days of summer generally bring with them out-of-town visitors, BBQ parties, and Drinking Gin and playing Darts on patios instead of being cooped up in the darkest most stuffy room in my house being a insufferable blog-slut.

...It seems now either I purchase a laptop and take it with me too the beach, OR I just get out there and take my winter computer-chair-shaped ass to go splashing happily about in the lake and get a bit of sun on my pasty white globes, visit some friends and have an pleasurable afternoon drinky whilst staring lovingly at my sun-drenched lil' French Tickler.....

Ahhh, I love the Summer.

Squirmy Wormy Nasty Nesty......

2005-07-28T18:57:00.000-07:00

The other day as I gazed lovingly from the patio over at my wonderful "poor-man's orchard" I noticed this white blob that looked like the hugest freaky spiderweb glimmering in the summer sun.
Being the "tougher" one of the house, Jenn promptly sent me out to deal with it.....

JAYSUS!!! I approached the pulsating mass of stringy webby outgrowth covered in tiny dead flies......

Good Christ! Its a throbbing Catepiller-filled Coddling Moth nest!!!!

I attempted to set the nest alight whilst it was still on the tree, but it just melted the web and set fire to a few of the dead leaves...

-there was lots of smoke but no end to the now-freaking pre-pubescent moths.
In a frustratingly disgusted rage I then got out the saw and chopped that branch down, stomped on it for good measure, and then set it ablaze in my wee decorative fireplace.....

I grabbed a cold beer and Jenn and I did an primeval interpretive dance to the squeals of the burning moth babies....

Ho Ho! The Family-in-Law is here!

2005-07-25T21:49:00.000-07:00

Hello friends...
I am trapped in a Family-in-law tourist overload crisis....
Blogging will be intermittent at best.....
Be back to my fine form ASAP.... Friday is E.T.O.Departure.....
Bear with me my sweeties.....
Kisses!
xxoxoxoxoxooxxx
Connie

MMMMM Clam Juice!

2005-07-23T19:52:00.000-07:00

The recent conversations about English foods and Grocery Stores made me think of a Purely Canadian Institution... Mott's Clamato!
- Yes, that's right Folks.... Tomato and Clam juice mixed together in a delightful fashion, used to drink by itself, mixed in beer (called the "Red Eye") or mixed with Vodka in Canada's Fave Summer Patio Drink - The Caeser!

The Secret Recipe for "The Caesar"
- 1-6 shots of Vodka
- a couple dashes of Worcester Sauce
- depending on taste, a splash or 10 of Tabasco sauce
- Fill with Clamato
- Garnish with Celery

- And there you have it, the perfect Canadian Summer Drink!

Galley - Raid!!

2005-07-22T00:26:00.000-07:00

2 nights ago I was "asked" to work a double shift (2 pm - 6 am) as one of our major clients had just purchased an aircraft in London and were flying in a deadhead to Canada that night at 00:30 for a 30 hour stopover to get the standard safety equipment (O2 bottles, fire extiguishers, First Aid Kits etc.) installed in the overhead bins and on partition walls as per Transport Canada requirements.
- To make a long story short, this meant an insane scramble of screw-insert installations and composite resins flying about in the wee hours of the morning in order to get everything in its right place and the resins hardened in time for the plane to leave for Vancouver to pick up a revenue flight that evening........

So amidst the stress and adhesive-fume induced delerium, the most fabulous part of this particular work nightmare (besides 8 hours of Overtime pay) was the quality of the foreign food Galley-Raid we were treated too.......

- You see, it is the unwritten rule in The Aircraft Maintenance Engineer Code of Ethics that when an aircraft is brought in on a short-notice overtime rush-rush situation that anything left in the galleys (food storage bins) is fair game to the poor, tired, starving Maintenance folk who have given up their lives and beauty sleep in order to fix, or modify your plane.

So when it was all said and done,THIS was the galley-raid loot I ended up with!...

.... Some lovely English Treats from Tesco's, and for my stinky cheese lovin' French girlfriend - a Tesco's FINEST platter!.

This is me in the cockpit at 6 am looking a little worse for wear but still smiling....
The happy ending was that we got the job done 15 hours ahead of schedule and we are for the moment lauded as superstars....
(superstars eating stinky cheese flown in from London no less!....)

Willie!

2005-07-20T15:35:00.000-07:00

Jenn and I are off to take my mum (who has a limited love of music, and which "number one fave" just may be Mr. Nelson...) and my step-dad to go see the legendary Country Star - Willie Nelson......
You know, I used to absolutly LOVE the song "On The Road Again" when I was little....
.

* AIRPLANE CORROSION OF THE WEEK *

2005-07-19T11:42:00.000-07:00

Well, Well, Well! This Corrosion is a whopper... Important to find, not so exciting to have to pay for.
This piece demonstrates the advanced stage of corrosion in the lower main door frame of an Aft Baggage Pit Door...
- It is decayed beyond repair... Requires full replacement of the 10 Ft. piece... The Price Tag?... A little over $10,000 CDN. - just for the part -

Holy shit is right.

This specific case was probably due to water, dirt, slime etc. that has been sitting atop the aluminum since this particular aircraft was built in the early 1970's. The elements and time certainly will take its toll... Hence there was the invention of the Aging Aircraft Corrosion Prevention and Control Program, which makes up a huge part of our inspections.
This photo shows Kirk, my favorite Metrosexual, as well as just where this corrosion occurred and just how large the scale of this overhaul actually is.... Early estimates are at least 100 hours of hard sweaty labour.
Lovely!

*THE GREAT CANADIAN CORROSION EXPERIMENT UPDATE!* - Week 1 -

- So far it's too early to see any real obvious changes, but I have noticed a bit of discoloration on the scratched off clad pieces... Particularity in the urine soaked piece...........
stay tuned for further updates!!!

Connie and Jenn Go Canoeing!

2005-07-18T12:16:00.000-07:00

With the water lapping gracefully along the sides of the white canoe, the two loving ladies glide their way effortlessly through the turquoise waters of Kalamalka Lake. The sun glimmered brilliantly at intermittent moments... It's luminous rays dancing on the waves, bringing with it an enjoyable contrast to the brisk nipple-raising breeze and the ideal moments to snap a few stunning pictures of the landscapes from where we live.

Blog Porn???????

2005-07-16T03:23:00.000-07:00

A Dirty Friday Night at the Cyber-Library..........

Friday.....

2005-07-15T15:19:00.000-07:00

Ho Ho, The Plumber's Here!........

2005-07-14T11:38:00.000-07:00

So last night whilst I was at work the sewer pipe that my washing machine drains into backed up when Jenn (playing the ever-so-sweet housewife...) was washing my unmentionables. A short while later after an evening of sipping juice she went to flush the toilet, and once again water gurgled up out of the drain onto the floor. When I finally got home I had to see for myself just how bad the dirty, pissy water situation really was and like a brilliant sleuth, I emptied the washing machine and got doused in lovely sewer water back-up myself.

So the call went out to the Plumber and the Nightmare in the Shit-Duct had begun...

The blockage was 45 feet down..... He couldn't get past it...... What could it be???? The wad-of-whatthefuck was so lodged it broke the bit off the Roto-Rooter..... Finally the hairy blob of something that looked like a dead cat started to make its way back up the pipe...... Small bits ripping free that looked something like this......

Jenn and I stood there utterly disgusted but equally curious.... "What in the HELL is THAT!" Jenn asked politely to the hard-working young man....
"Well ma'am, It's tampons....Lots of them...Years of them... Hah Hah, they tell you can flush those things just to keep us plumbers in work! Hah Hah!"

O.K. then.....

- Best $141.77 I've ever spent.

I think we have all learnt a good lesson here... Here is a nice list of things that should never be flushed

Yay! NHL Hockey's Back!

2005-07-14T11:29:00.000-07:00

I'm glad the whiney millionaires are finished fighting with the crabby billionaires...
Now get back to your job!!! ENTERTAINING US - the average Canadian Fan who spend copious amounts of their hard-earned money to come watch you play our beloved game and pay your outrageous salaries. Now shut up and win us a cup!

This is for you Karen... I'm looking forward to comparing The Canucks and Leafs season with you ;)
GAME ON!!!!

Introducing * THE GREAT CANADIAN CORROSION EXPERIMENT *

2005-07-12T11:30:00.000-07:00

I am pleased to present the newest installment on Connielingus..... The Great Canadian Corrosion Experiment!!!!
A little while back I received a comment on *Airplane Corrosion Of The Week* from Herge wondering just how long it would take for a piece of aircraft aluminum to corrode.
I gave some answer stating that corrosion only happens when conditions are right, there is an "accelerant" i.e. acidic substances like cola or urine, and the metal is no longer being protected by a corrosion resistant coating like Cladding, Alodine or paint. Shortly after that I got the bright idea that I would try and recreate a corrosion situation in a sort of "controlled experiment"..... And here we are today!

As you can see by this photo I have built a board with 9 pieces of a commonly used piece of 2024-T3 (copper additive for strength) Aluminum.
- The first row is 3 pieces of clad aluminum.... Cladding is a simple corrosion resistant technique using a thin layer of pure aluminum (because with no additive like copper or zinc, aluminum will actually take forever to corrode -i.e. pop cans are pure aluminum)
- The second row is 3 pieces with the clad scratched off, the most likely to corrode as the all protective coatings have been removed.....
- The third row has the aluminum with a hole drilled thru and a steel screw without a protective aluminum washer between it and the metal. This is to observe the effects of the "accelerant substances" as well as the effects of dissimilar metals called Galvanic Corrosion

- As you can see in the above photo I have introduced the 3 major corrosion causes that are commonly spilled in passenger aircraft:
- Cola
- Coffee
- Urine
The objective is to see how long it will take for each of these acidic substances will take to break down the aluminum pieces, and which one will actually corrode first....
I will be updating every week until we see any sign of metal decomposition!!!!!
Anyone care to take an educated guess which will show signs of corrosion first????

The Annual Connielingus Garden Party!!!

2005-07-11T11:54:00.000-07:00

I had a little "come over and try out my new patio, my girlfriend, and say goodbye to Gwen" party on Saturday Evening!
Most of the people in attendance were my work-mates and had yet to meet Jenn - but without a doubt, they grew to love her right off the bat! It actually turned out to be a real love-in for everyone... Lots of those meaningful sloppy drunken hugs and kisses.
I somehow managed to polish off a mickey of Gin and ended the night singing karoke a la "lounge singer" with my pal Gwendolyn from Mutant Panties....
- judging by the amount of people sleeping on my floor, an excellent time was had by all!
My friends and lovely green garden......

Hoooooter Shooters!!!!!!

The fireplace was a big hit......

Jenn getting friendly......

... A red-nosed Connielingus and Gwen sing a few bars of "Hey Jude".... - Take a sad song and make it better indeed.....-

Saturday. Lazy. Picture.

2005-07-09T00:40:00.000-07:00

Jenn in her Birthday Suit......Edmonton Alberta Canada. June of 2005.

Let's All Take a Moment to Watch Something Stupid

2005-07-08T00:31:00.000-07:00

Well kiddies, it's been quite the week so far.....
Here's Something completely and utterly twisted to make your day go by smooooothly. I stole it from Raymi the Minx who stole it from someone else........

I'm warning you!.... It really is sadistically amusing and quite creepy!!!!!
Go on... Have a quick look.....

* Connielingus "Create A Caption" *

2005-07-06T13:49:00.000-07:00

Here's a silly little Game to break up the week! How titillating!

- Use your creative magic to come up with a witty caption for the picture above! -

My Loving Tribute to Tina Cakesniffer.......

2005-07-05T10:43:00.000-07:00

My pal Tina From "Cakeniffers Beware" has a very healthy admiration of the English Chef and T.V. Personality Nigella Lawson......
I must admit that I find her quite lovely myself, so as my gift I have gathered up some of my favorite pictures to share with Tina "Thingy" Cakesniffer and the rest of you........

Hmmmm, I'd like to top that English Muffin with my Runny Eggs....

Gee Wilikers! Nigella could've joined in our little "Guess the Knocker" game!.....

Nigella Bites. Hmmmmm, sounds good to me....Maybe start with a nibble please...

Oh Hello There Tina.... Yes its me Nigella..... Would you like a lick?

The Burnout of a Blogstar.... Weblog Supernova!

2005-07-04T11:14:00.000-07:00

"Whoa! Look at all that Gay Pride just shooting out the top of my roof......."

You know something, ever since Jenn moved in it has become painfully clear just how much time I did spend each day:

1. Contemplating Blog posts
2. Typing Blog posts
3. Searching for pictures
4. Reading the members of my blog gangs posts
5. Commenting on those posts....

- Christ on a Crutch! It was hours upon hours. (I figured between 14 to 20 hours a week.)
I noticed the lack of blog time right away after the move ( bless Jenn as she really doesn't mind me blogging and actually quite enjoys reading the comments )
- its just now I have more of a structured life, I do more things AWAY from the computer... Like eating. I was a chronic computer eater... Lots of snacky shit.... Now I have a meal time where I sit at the table and have conversations about my day.... There goes an hour of Blog-time right there.
Another screen gazing killer is actually going to bed at a proper hour... You can lose between 1 and 3 hours of precious creative writing with the ideal 8 hours of zzzzz's a night! Big time internet death there.....

Fuck Me!.... being a blogstar is a hard act to keep real.

Well, one good thing is I am on afternoon-shift for the next 3 weeks which means I may sorta regress back into my naughty computer-black hole habits as I can stay up until all hours if need be.
- But then again, It's already crossed my mind how sweet it will be after a long hard day at work to snuggle into bed with my sweet girl instead of sitting alone staring off into cyber space.......

La La La....Our Hate Will Go On........

2005-07-02T14:01:00.000-07:00

Oh Merde! Don't the peeepole of Ca-na-da amore moi anymore!!!????

Heh Heh.... They just booed Celine Dion at the LIVE 8 concert in Barrie, Ontario just before she was piped-in via satellite with her Las Vegas Dancing Girls and her pompous Frenchy-Canadian way.

Can't say I blame them......

Western Canada from an Aeroplane

2005-07-02T09:53:00.000-07:00

The North Okanagan Valley
The Rocky Mountains
The West Kootneys

Happy Canada Day!

2005-07-01T10:15:00.000-07:00

We are out on the town today taking in the free outdoor concerts and the annual Beaver eating contest... Good times to be had by all.

I've been practicing hard lately..... I am sure I will lay down a licking to the competition!
Wish me luck!

MEEEOOOOOW!

2005-06-30T17:46:00.000-07:00

Apparently I am hotter than a witches cauldron in this picture. I am full of Piss and Vinegar and the World is a Vampire. Lately I feel have somewhat lost my Bloggin' Mojo, but I'm sure it will be back in full force as the "Canada Day" Long Weekend progresses......

1 in 2.5 Divorce Rate Just Like You......

2005-06-28T21:08:00.000-07:00

Well well well, the vote is in... Canada has officially joined ranks with Belgium and the Netherlands....

It truly is a historic and positive step forward folks... I am an unabashedly proud Canadian today.

"We are a nation of minorities. And in a nation of minorities, it is important that you don't cherry-pick rights.
.....A right is a right and that is what this vote tonight is all about."
- Paul Martin, Canadian Prime Minister -

* AIRPLANE CORROSION OF THE WEEK *

2005-06-27T21:56:00.000-07:00

What better way to start the fresh new work week after a holiday than with some nice juicy corrosion!!!!! I can almost taste the sulfury metallic dust now....

This lovely specimen was spotted on the underside of the Cabin floor, a typical haven for all sorts of moisture-induced nasties which are extremely common in passenger aircraft and also happen to be the worst enemy to Aluminum structure....
That's right kids, like I've mentioned Time and Time again... Coffee, Cola, Urine and Vomit - The Silent Airplane Killers -
The tragic truth is that most ignorant passengers spray these plane-poisons around without a care in the world..... Pissing into the wind and blowing chunks at will after drunkenly tipping their 15th Rum and Coke down the sidewall.

The safety of each and every flight depends on your diligence....
Please urinate sitting down and always vomit into a waterproof receptacle....And maybe consider a nice Gin and Tonic instead of an Aluminum acid bath libation. Please Think before you Drink.

So Much For the City........

2005-06-26T22:03:00.000-07:00

Vancouver was a wonderous time! It truly is a world class city.
The weather was perfect and Diana Krall tickled the ivories and our fancies effortlessly....
I am now, however, bitchy and inconsolable as my glorious week of holidays is officially over and it's back to the ol' grind (And I really do mean "grind"....)

2005-06-26T21:47:00.000-07:00

Seeing as my absolute Fave show in the whole world is filmed in Vancouver, Jenn and I were on "L-word" watch all day Saturday trying to see any sign of Season 3 being shot anywhere around town....
Finally we noticed this sign on the door of the adjoining restaurant to our hotel later that evening and I nearly wet clear thru my capris......
but CURSES! Foiled Again!!!! Of course I am due back at work on June 27th.........

You Still Move Me.....

2005-06-24T11:03:00.000-07:00

Well, It's been quite the jam-packed migration week for Jenn and I....
I swear TO GOD I will never lift another box full of house crap ever again. Jenn decided to step off the Moving Van the wrong way and completely fuck up her knee, so I have been taking up the slack..... Good thing I love her to bits......

So in celebration of this undying devotion, (and a well-deserved break from assembling IKEA furniture) we are heading off this afternoon for a dirty weekend in Vancouver to see the Fabulous Diana Krall in Concert.
See you all back here on Sunday night, and have a great weekend.....

xoxoxoxox Connie.

2005-06-24T01:08:00.000-07:00

The Boobie Prize!

2005-06-24T00:33:00.000-07:00

Well, after a few tedious days of watching everyone take an uneducated stab at "Guess The Breast Knocker Knockout".... Turns out 5 correct was the magic number....

The Winners in a 4-way tie are:

Andy from Walls come Tumbling Down
Spirit of Owl from Slightly Imperfect
Edwaado from The-Fridge-Mag.Net
And, last but not least, Anonymous # 3......

I realize you are just dying to know "whose boobs were whose" so here is the Official Breastular Lineup for your Friday morning perusal.......

TL = Connie
TC = "D"
TR = April
CL = Trillion
C = Jenn
CR = Gwendolyn
BL = Karen
BC = Tina
BR = Joanie

*A huge Thank-you and Tit's Up to all our Fabulous Contestants!*
-The Best Boobs on Blog are always right here at Connielingus!-

Tits a Lovely Day ! - PART 2

2005-06-21T01:11:00.000-07:00

Here it is Folks!!!! The day you have all been waiting for!!!!

TITTIE TUESDAY!

Alright, so here are the sordid fleshy rules of "GUESS THE BREAST KNOCKER KNOCKOUT"...

- Each of these lovely mamms can be matched to one of the following contestants:

April from Pissoff
Gwendolyn from Mutant Panties
Connie from connielingus
Jenn the lovely GF of Connie from connielingus
"D" from Paul Cotton Films
Tina from Cakesniffers Beware!
Karen from Karentertainment
Trillion from Trillobites
Joanie from Da Goddess

- "The game" is to check out the above mentioned "breast-shot" donors via their blogs and try and figure out whose knockers belongs to who!
BLOGTASTIC FUN FUN FUN!!!!!

....For simplicity sake, Just match names to location like so:
TL = Top left, BR = Bottom Right, C = Center, CR = Center Right etc. etc.
Guess soon and guess often... CONTEST CLOSES Thursday June 23, 2005 at 10:23 pm PST
Contest open to all residents of the world except Quebec.

Tits Only One Week Away!!!!!!!

2005-06-13T23:38:00.000-07:00

Hello everyone!
I'm still waiting on a few more fantastic cleavage shots!!!! I have 5 confirmed and just 4 more spots left... Don't be shy! Send them in this week to.... helloconnielingus@gmail.com
I will be out of town as of Wednesday, so the official day of "GUESS THE BREAST KNOCKER KNOCKOUT" will have to be next Tuesday, June 21st when I get back to town with my lady and the Uhaul.

I hope to arrive home with mounds of cleavage ooozing out of my inbox so get snapping!

connielingus

bunny ain't no kind of rider

MY SUMMER HOLS....

Hi... This is what I did on my Bloggin' Holidays...

The Cakesniffer Experience

Cakesniffer is in the house......

This Fucking Blog Thing.....

A Matter of Life and Death

Olympic Hangover

Blogging about your Career....

Airplanes and Corrosion It Is.......

My New Blog......

the one year blogging blues.....

The Way We Live.......

Aloha!

This One Time.....

The Top 17 Songs of 2005!

Time, Music and Breasts

Oh Aas!

Stumbling Podcasting Whores Unite!

Raymi The Minx

So 2004......

Blogging Is Like A New Relationship.......

The Top 10 Hottest Canadian Women..... (according to Connielingus) THE FINALE!

The Apprentice....... Part 3

Fiddlin'!

The Top 10 Hottest Canadian Women..... (according to Connielingus)

The Top 10 Hottest Canadian Women..... (according to Connielingus)

The Apprentice....... Part 2

The Top 10 Hottest Canadian Women..... (according to Connielingus)

The Top 10 Hottest Canadian Women..... (according to Connielingus)

Those Dastadly Calgary Flames.......

The World Is a Vampire (a candid look at Fearmongering in 2005)

The Apprentice....... part 1

I Lost My Bloggin' Mojo.

Now that I've Had 10 THOUSAND Visits to this Shameless Dirty Blog......

Nothing Like a Good Soak and a Poke for the Holidays....

JAY- ZUS!!!!

Hockey Is Back........

* AIRPLANE CORROSION OF THE WEEK *

Don't Get yer Knickers in a Twist!

Pleasure Is The Only Thing To Live For..... Nothing Ages Like Happiness - (Oscar Wilde)

Hello, I Haven't Been Around Much, But Now I'm Here to Bitch and Whine For Your Enjoyment

My Saturday Meanderings.......

Now That's Steeped.......

The Sexy Mother Of All Corrosion.........

Things Can Only Get Better.......

Text Me.

Life is But a Dream.....

The "I Hate Rush!" Gang Gets One Member Stronger

The Mack - Don Cabin Chronicles 2005

My Apologies......

My Favorite Reads.....

Leisha Hailey It Is.......

Can Anyone Guess Who This Is?

Whatever Happened to Connielingus????

*WHAT EVER HAPPENED TO.......*

*The Great Canadian Corrosion Experiment - Week 4 *

"If Love Makes The World Go Round, Why Are We Going To Outer Space?"

Pee Pee Poo Poo Bum Bum

Ryan Adams Sucks

I Could Use The Word "Folk" as a Funny Expletive, But I Won't....

Hello I love You Won't You Tell Me Your Name

- You Heard It Here First (whether you care or not!) -

"Absence Diminishes Little Passions and Increases Great Ones, As Wind Extinguishes Candles and Fans a Fire"

Summer and Blogging Don't Mix.

Squirmy Wormy Nasty Nesty......

Ho Ho! The Family-in-Law is here!

MMMMM Clam Juice!

Galley - Raid!!

Willie!

* AIRPLANE CORROSION OF THE WEEK *

Connie and Jenn Go Canoeing!

Blog Porn???????

Friday.....

Ho Ho, The Plumber's Here!........

Yay! NHL Hockey's Back!

Introducing * THE GREAT CANADIAN CORROSION EXPERIMENT *

The Annual Connielingus Garden Party!!!

Saturday. Lazy. Picture.

WHAT EVER HAPPENED TO.......

The Great Canadian Corrosion Experiment - Week 4